


A New Beginning (on hiatus for now)

by SupernaturallyCass



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 30 Days of Destiel, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Chuck Shurley is Castiel's Parent, Destiel Day, Destiel Fluff, Destiel Forever Fic Challenge, Domestic Violence, Eventual Smut, Fanfiction, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), John Winchester Not Being an Asshole, M/M, NSFW, Past Rape/Non-con, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Rape Recovery, Sad Castiel, Sub Castiel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-05 20:12:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17925554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupernaturallyCass/pseuds/SupernaturallyCass
Summary: Castiel had spent the last two years trying to make his boyfriend the happiest he possibly could, he gave and gave until finally he wanted to seal the deal. But it all goes terribly wrong and Cas must face his worst struggle: loving himself. It proves difficult when one bright eyed hottie, Dean Winchester, enters the picture, and Cas is forced to separate his wants from his needs. With his best friend by his side, Cas learns how to love in more ways than one and must confront his fear of possibly being alone.





	1. A Proposal Gone Wrong (revised)

This was it, today was the day that Castiel would propose to his boyfriend Michael. They had been together for a couple of years now and Cas had dropped so many hints that he wanted to marry him. Cas even bought a ring and he was on his way home so he could prepare a wonderful dinner and show Michael a good time.

When Cas got home he began setting everything up, putting candles on the table and making sure it smelled beautiful. He prepared the dinner and put it in the oven then went around fixing everything else up. Everything had to be perfect for when his boyfriend got home so he made sure to clean up the kitchen and living room. Cas even cleaned up their bedroom, making the bed and setting out flowers.

He heard the front door open and his heart flutters in his chest. He hurries down the stairs and toward the front door ready to greet the man of his dreams. He rounded the corner and Michael was there. Cas walked up to him and wrapped his arms around his neck. "Hey baby, how was visiting your brother?" Michael snaked his arms around Cas and kissed him deeply then pulled away. "It was good I missed you." Michael started to pull on Cas' clothing and trying to pull off his shirt. "Babe, I....I have something to ask you." Michael was kissing along Cas' neck and rubbing his body against Cas, which Cas was actually enjoying.

Cas let Michael suck on his neck for a few minutes and Cas moaned softly. But he didn't want to get too carried away, Cas wanted to save the fun for later, "Michael?" Michael scoffed and pulled away from Cas and stepped back from him. "What?" His tone was irritated and he looked very annoyed. "I...uhm...I'm making dinner and I wanted to ask you a serious question." Michael sighed heavily and held his hands up, "whatever Castiel." Cas laughs nervously as he pulls the ring box from his pocket and looks lovingly at Michael. He watches Michael's face as he slowly bends down on one knee and Michael starts laughing.

The sound he makes causes Cas to swallow hard and he bites his lip, "Michael Anderson, will you-" Michael laughs louder and covers his mouth looking down at Cas. "W-why....are you laughing?" Michael looks down at the ground then back at Cas, "you really think that I'd marry you?" Cas took a deep breath trying to hold in the sudden pain in his chest. "I...." Michael chuckles and looks over at the table then back at Cas.

He steps around Cas and placed his hand on the table cloth, glancing over it then turns around and looks at Cas. "How the hell did I manage to stay with you this long?" Cas slowly gets up off of the floor and tears start forming on his eyes as he looks at Michael. "Babe....I spent a lot of time on this can't you be appreciative?" Michael laughs at Cas again and walks back to him, "oh god, you know what, it's over Cas I'm done." Michael shakes his head and walks away from Cas going up to the bedroom. Cas follows after him and walks into his bedroom where Michael is packing up all of his stuff.

"What do you mean you're done?" Cas stood in the doorway with his hip resting against the frame of the door and his arms folded across his chest.

"Castiel it's just that, I'm bored with you." Cas bites his lip and shakes his head stepping forward into the bedroom, "So I'm boring is that it?" Michael sighs heavily and looks at Cas, "yeah that's it." Cas scoffs at Michael and walks around the bedroom, "So all of the times that you said I was the best thing to happen in your life, that was a lie?" Michael was watching Cas the whole time he packed, "I mean yeah pretty much. You were a good fuck but that's about it."

"You're an asshole." Anger flashed on Michael's face and he lunges at Castiel his hands gripping Cas by the throat and pinning him against the wall. "What the fuck did you just say to me?" Cas wasn't going to let his fear get the best of him. Michael had been so much worse to him so many times before this so he was used to his angry tone. "You heard me."

The look Michael now had on his face sent a shiver down Cas' back and he tried to keep a hold on his fear. Cas stared into Michael's eyes, he could sense the pain was coming before it actually did. Michael's fist connected with Cas' eye and he shoved him down to the floor then kneed him in the face, which caused him to bleed from his nose, but Cas still fought away his fear. He wasn't giving in.

"Don't you dare ever say that to me again." Cas spit blood at Michael's feet and looked up at him. "Get the fuck out of my house, Michael." Michael laughed a crazy sounding laugh and pointed his finger at Cas, "who do you think you're talking to?" Cas rose from the floor and got in Michael's face, "right now I'm talking to an asshole who can....GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

Michael stared at Cas, the look in his eye was confused but also angry as he stepped forward. "You think you can get rid of me so easily?" Cas' expression didn't change, he was still intent on making Michael leave, and he didn't want to allow Michael to make him fearful. "You were already planning on leaving so do it, I don't want you here." Cas knew he was pressing buttons that he ought not to but he was so done that he couldn't find it in himself to care.

Michael glared at Cas but he steps back from him and Cas watches as Michael takes everything he packed out of the room and leaves the door open. He had to admit that he was proud of himself for standing up to Michael the way he did. Two years of putting up with the same thing everyday had sent Cas into a constant state of despair so he never dared defy Michael. Call it a brief moment of confidence, or whatever, but the moment passed and now he was truly alone with himself. Cas slid his back down the wall hugging his knees.

He sat on the floor for hours after Michael had gone, the smell of the dinner he had made, burning, filled the air. He was still trying to process all that had went wrong. Cas allowed himself to cry and he even screamed a few times but then he picked himself up off of the floor and slowly walked downstairs to turn the oven off. He turned to look at the candles which had gone out from being exposed to the wax. Cas began crying again as he pulled the ring box from his pocket and opened it then he carelessly threw it into the kitchen drawer. He wouldn't have been able to ever imagine that he'd lose Michael like this. They were so in love, or so he thought, so this made no sense.

Cas began cleaning up the table, throwing everything in the trash because he just didn't care. He finished cleaning up everything went back up to his bedroom sinking to the floor and sobbing. He still couldn't understand what he had done wrong, he was always there for Michael. He bought things for the both of them he loved Michael so much. But Michael never cared about Cas he made that very clear. He felt defeated, drained, and he just wanted to sleep, so he just curled up on the floor and cried until he fell asleep.

**********

Cas woke up the next morning with a terrible headache and he felt like he was going to vomit. He pulled himself from the floor and went into the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. There was dried blood matted into his hair and his eye was almost swollen shut. He reached up gently touching his eye with his fingertips and he sighed heavily, he needed a shower. So he shed all of his clothing and reached into the shower turning it on.

He let the water warm up before he climbed in, letting the water run over his head and down his back. Everything hurt, his ribs from when he was kicked, his face also from being kicked, and his heart from the pain of losing the one he thought he'd spend forever with. It was a lie, all of it, their whole relationship, and for what; Cas looked like a fool this whole time, Michael never even loved him.

Cas washed his body and hair and rinsed, then got out and wrapped his towel around his waist. He stood in his bedroom and sighed softly as he looked at himself in the full length mirror. He was sure that he'd be alone the rest of his life after this. Who would ever want someone useless like me anyway? Cas thought to himself as he started getting dressed. His phone starts ringing and he jumps at the sudden sound but then he answers it.

"Hello, this is Castiel."

"Hey Cas it's Cathy I was wondering if you would want to hang out with me and Sam."

Cathy Mills was a very good friend of Cas and he really loved hanging out with her and her boyfriend Sam, but he couldn't help but feel like he'd be a burden. "Cat it's so good to hear your voice." Cas tried hard to not let his emotions show but Cathy knew him way too well for that.

"Uh oh, Cas what's wrong?"

Cas felt the pain in his chest instantly, "Michael, he....he's gone. I.....I don't know what happened Cat...." Cas choked up before he could finish what he was saying.

"Oh Cas, babe I'm on my way...." Cas swallowed hard and took a deep breath, "it's fine you don't have to co-" "Too bloody bad I'm almost there anyway. See you in a few minutes." Cathy hung up the phone and Cas looked at the phone and tossed it onto the bed. He decided it would be best if he got dressed so he threw on random clothes and headed downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: y'all I was in a depressed state when I started writing this and now I'm like omg what was wrong with me but it was gonna be a short thing and then I decided to make it into a story so we'll see how it goes. Anyway love you guys xx


	2. One Drunken Night

Cathy showed up shortly after they hung up the phone and Cas welcomed her into his home with Sam following behind her. Before he closed his front door Cas noticed that there was someone else in the car but he ignored it and closed the door anyway. He turns back to face Sam and Cathy, she gasps as she sees his face. "Oh Cas what did he do?" Cas instantly feels the tears fall from his eyes and Cathy stepped toward Cas. He flinched away from her and she took a deep breath and sighed, "I'm so sorry that this happened Cas."

She stepped carefully this time as she went to hug him and he let her. "He hurt me, Cat." Cas sobs against her shoulder and she rubs her hand gently against his back. She pulled back from him and looked up into his eyes, placing her hand gently against his cheek. It was hard for her to see Cas this way, he had always been the happy type and seeing him as he was now broke her heart.

"I'm really sorry to break sentiments but my brother is actually waiting in the car and I was wondering if he could come in?" Sam looked at Cas and Cathy had a concerned look on her face. Cas didn't really want to see another man right now and it was fairly evident by his expression that he was wary of allowing Sam's brother, who Cas didn't know, into his house. "It's your house Cas, you can say no." Cas' thoughts were interrupted as she said this but Cas shook his head at her, "no...no it's okay he can come in."

Sam stepped past Cas and he walks out the front door calling to his brother to come inside. Cathy smiles softly at her friend, who bites his lower lip gently and steps away from the door. Sam returns shortly with a tall man following behind him, much to Cas' surprise Sam's brother is beautiful. He had short hair and it was shaved on the sides and a bit longer up top. His eyes were a light green and he was slightly taller than Cas but shorter than Sam. Cas had to force himself to look away, despite all of this.

"Castiel this is my brother Dean." Cas looked down not wanting to make direct contact with Dean so he just shyly waved. "It's nice to meet you Castiel." The sound of Dean's voice startled Cas and he jumped slightly, his voice was deep and it had a roughness to it that Cas instantly enjoyed. Dean pulled his lip up into a half smile and it made Cas' heart jump. Cas stared at Dean like an idiot for about 5 minutes before he said anything.

"I'm a useless bag of shit." Dean raises his eyebrow and looked at Cathy, then at Sam then back to Cas. "You are not, Castiel, why would you say that?" Cathy frowns at Cas and he looked down at the ground and shrugs, "that's what Michael told me to tell people." Dean scoffed and cleared his throat, "Well no offense to Michael but he sounds like a real dickbag." Cas snaps his head up at Dean shaking his head. "Please don't say that....I...." Cas broke down and fell to the floor into a sobbing mess and Cathy dropped to the floor with him and pulled him into her arms, looking up at Dean, "it's not your fault Dean, Michael was horrible to him.....shhh Cas it's okay."

Cas tries to calm himself down as he sits up looking at Cathy, "I'm sorry Cat....I'm a mess. I was going to ask him if he would marry me and he just laughed in my face." Cathy gently caresses Cas on the cheek, "oh Cas I'm so sorry. You know what always makes me feel better?" Cas looked at Cathy curiously and cocked his head to the side, raising his eyebrow at her. "Alcohol." Cas laughs softly at her comment which causes him to smile slightly. "There's that smile I love so much." Cas shakes his head at her and pulls himself off of the floor and he helps Cathy up.

"Alright so we're drinking then?" Sam speaks up and Cas looks up at him and smiles softly. "Are we staying in or going out?" Cas closes his eyes and brings his hand up rubbing his neck, "well I have work in a couple days and to be honest I'm not really in the mood to go anywhere." Sam looks at his brother and then at Cathy and nods once, pushing Dean by the shoulder, "Dean and I will go out and get the stuff we need then we'll come back." Cas nods at Sam and gives a small smile, "thanks Sam." Sam returns the smile to Cas, then he and Dean walk out of the house, Cas watching as Dean leaves.

"Oh my hell Cas you literally just broke up with your boyfriend."

Cas snaps his head back to look at Cathy, with confusion on his face, "what?" Realization hit a few seconds later at what she meant. "Oh god, Cat no I was just....I..." Cathy laughs at Cas and shakes her head at him, "I'm just teasing anyway. Besides I'm pretty sure that Dean is into only women." Cas felt a sudden sadness after hearing that but he shrugs it off as Cathy pulls him into the living room to turn on music while they drank.

She sat down in front on the stereo and Cas sat on the couch, "I think we should turn on classic rock, what do you say?" Cas chuckles softly and raises his eyebrows at her, "of course Cat, you know it's my favorite genre." She laughs nodding her head, "it's also Dean's favorite." Cas groans and puts his face into his hands, "Cat no c'mon." She giggled and turned on the stereo system and the music started playing.

Sam and Dean return shortly after the third song started and they both have their arms full of different types of alcohol. Sam goes to sit by Cathy and sets his loot onto the table. Dean ends up sitting by Cas and he smiles at him. "Alright let's get this party started." Cathy grabs the bottle of cherry vodka and poured herself a shot and drank it down, "well okay then my girlfriend is a lush." Dean scoffs at his brother and grabs the tequila, "please Sammy I can out drink miss kitty cat any day."

Dean grabs a double shot glass and looks at Cas, "would you like to do one with me, Cas?" Cas looked at Dean curiously then looked at Cathy, who nodded her head approvingly at him. "I'd love to." Dean grabs another double shot and pours both of their glasses and he counts down from three and they both down their shots. Cas coughs slightly as the alcohol burns his throat and he shivers at the taste.

"There ya go Cas!" Dean pats Cas lightly on the shoulder and Cas looks at him, laughing softly at his enthusiasm. Over the next few hours they all drank and talked about their pasts. Cathy and Sam would kiss each other leaving Cas and Dean to sit there awkwardly. Sam was the first to tap out and Cathy teased him about it but she tapped out soon after. Dean celebrated his victory by taking another double shot and Cas was surprised at how well Dean could hold his alcohol.

Cas was also very drunk but he still decided to take another shot with Dean, "So Sammy do you think I could get Cas here to make out with me?" Cas snorts and laughs as he leans against Dean's shoulder, "you know what you don't even need to ask Sam, I'm right here you silly." Cas laughs again and bites Dean gently on the shoulder. "Uh....Dean that's probably not a good idea." Cathy spoke up but her words were slightly slurred.

"Oh c'mon Cat it's okay." Cas was surprised that Sam was going along with it and it actually made him smile. He couldn't feel the pain of Michael anymore, only his desire to wrap his body all around Dean, to feel Dean's fingertips all over his skin, and to suck those luscious lips of his between his teeth. Dean looks down at the man leaning against him and he moves his arm to put it around Cas and pull him closer.

Soon Dean's lips connected to Cas' lips and he placed his hand against his cheek as their lips moved. Admittedly kissing Michael never made Cas feel the way he felt right now kissing Dean. Cas was straddled on top of Dean's lap in a matter of seconds and his hands were tangled into Dean's hair. He parted his lips slightly allowing Cas to slide his tongue into his mouth and the kiss deepened. Cas' heart was beating so loudly in his chest at this point and he wanted to stay like this forever.

Dean grips Cas by his hips which makes him whimper slightly and Dean pulls back to look into Cas' eyes. "I didn't hurt you did I?" Cas shook his head at Dean, his breathing heavy from kissing for so long. Sam cleared his throat and placed his hand on Cathy's leg, "I think me and Cat are gonna head to bed." Dean turned his head to look at Sam and he also cleared his throat, "Uh yeah that's a good idea." Both Sam and Cathy get up and walk upstairs to the extra bedroom and close the door.

Cas could feel the disappointment creeping up on him and he took a deep breath as he started pulling away. Dean quickly wraps his arms around Cas and looked up at him, "where do you think you're going?" Cas looked down at Dean in surprise and he could see the desire in his eye. "Dean I.....I mean we're drunk so I don't even know if this is how you really feel." Cas bites his lip as he looks at the man beneath him and he plays with the hairs on Dean's neck.

"Fair enough....how about we continue this in the morning then."

Cas laughs softly and rests his forehead against Dean's, "okay fine." Dean pecks Cas on the lips a few times and squeezes Cas' butt. Cas jumps slightly and takes a deep breath as he keeps his arms around Dean, "truthfully I've never felt this way before." Dean brings his hand up to Cas' cheek rubbing his thumb against his cheekbone. "Never?" Cas shook his head, closed his eyes and laid his head against Dean's shoulder. Dean and Cas spent the rest of the night cuddled up on the couch, with Dean rubbing his fingertips along Cas' lower back and that's how they fell asleep.

*******************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: cuuuuuuuuute......that is all


	3. Let's Just Be Friends

_Cas woke up to someone touching him, he felt their hands running up and down his back. At first it scared him, so he tensed up his body, but then he remembered that he fell asleep on Dean. He took a deep breath and tightened his arms around Dean's neck. "That feels amazing, Dean." Cas laid there for a few minutes enjoying the soft touch on his skin then lifts his head to look into Dean's eyes._

_When he looked up, however, the eyes he looked into were dark and cynical, and most certainly not Dean's eyes. Cas looked deep into Michael's eyes and fear gripped his body tight, "no." Michael smiles at Cas wickedly and he reaches up gripping Cas by the neck with one hand. "Oh yes. Did you really think it would be that easy to escape me? That you could just get trashed, kiss another man and I would disappear, just like that?"_

_Cas whimpered and shook his head and tried to speak, "I-I'm sorry....." Michael's grip tightens on Cas' neck and Cas begins trying to fight him. He reaches his hand out and grabs Michael's face and attempts to stick his thumbs into his eyes. Michael throws Cas to the floor and Cas jumps up and attempts to run from Michael._

***************

Suddenly Cas is being picked up from the floor and he tries to get away from the hold. Dean shakes Cas awake until he is looking into his beautiful blue eyes, "Cas hey are you okay?" Cas was disoriented and confused as he looked at Dean, reaching up he wiped the tears that were in his eyes. "I...I'm fine." Dean didn't look convinced as he looked at Cas, who was still trying to process everything.

"You don't seem fine. You seem scared actually" Cas pulled out of Dean's arms and stood up, walking into the kitchen. Dean stands up following behind him and leans against the counter top, Cas was facing away from him. "Cas, you can talk to me." Cas laughs softly at Dean's comment and turns around to look at him, "Dean we just met yesterday. I don't know a thing about you."

"Well you could know things if you asked." Cas smiled at Dean for a few seconds and shook his head. "I just got out of a very toxic relationship in which I was going to propose to my abusive boyfriend. No offense if I have little to no interest in getting to know anyone right now." Dean sighs heavily and begins laughing, "Cas I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend, but I would like to be your friend."

Cas closes one eye slightly and glares at Dean from the corner of his eye, "I suppose I can accept that." Dean stands up straight and he stands with his feet apart and arms across his chest, "So last night?" Cas looked away from Dean instantly scratching the back of his neck nervously, "uh, we were drunk-" Dean chuckles and adds his own comment, "very very drunk but it wasn't bad, at least for me it wasn't." He put emphasis on the word me which causes Cas to turn his gaze toward Dean with a raised eyebrow.

"....and I suppose you think it was bad for me?" Dean pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and he was shaking his head, "well you sure did avoid anything to do with it." Cas cocks his head to the side and steps toward Dean a small smile playing on his lips.

"Maybe because I didn't want to push it, since I've got terrible luck with men."

"I thought you said you had no interest."

Cas sighs at Dean jutting his jaw slightly and he rubs his hand across his forehead, "I didn't.....I don't. You're just....." Dean takes a few steps toward Cas which makes Cas' breath get caught in his throat, "I'm what, Cas?" Dean steps closer until he's looking down into Cas' soft blue eyes, "hm?" Dean reaches out and cups Cas' cheeks and leans down, tilting his head up slightly Cas breathes softly trying to calm his erratic heart beat.

"You're.....you're just different."

"I'm a good different, right?" Cas didn't want to lose control right now, he still felt vulnerable, and as Dean so nicely put it Cas was actually scared. "You're just....different okay? Can we just accept that and move on?" Dean drops his hands from Cas' face and his lip curves up into that slight smile that made Cas feel weak. "Of course we can."

Sam and Cathy both came into the kitchen shortly after the conversation ended and Dean looked at his brother. "Are we leaving then?" Sam smiled at Dean and Cathy walked up to Cas and hugged him. "Yeah we're gonna go. Uh thanks for letting us crash here Cas." Dean didn't even acknowledge Cas as he walked out of the kitchen and it kind of made him angry. He heard his front door open then close and he jumped slightly. "It's no problem really you guys are my best friends." Cas walked up and hugged Sam then pulled back looking at both of them.

"Thanks for coming over when I needed it." Cathy softly laughed at Cas, "people will always need other people, we're a very social species." Cas rolled his eyes at her and shook his head Sam chuckled softly, making Cathy sigh heavily, "you guys always give me so much crap for my knowledge in psychology." Sam pulled her into his arms and gently kissed the top of her head. "Oh babe we love you and you know it, it's like 2pm, let's get home alright? I'll make it up to you." Cathy pouted as she pulled herself from Sam's arms and hugged Cas, "we'll call you okay? Or if you need anything call me."

Cas nodded at her, he knew she would be calling him everyday until he asked her to come over it's just who she is. She patted Cas gently on his face, kissed him on the cheek, then turned back to Sam shrugged, and walked out of the house. Sam sighed shaking his head then looked at Cas, "never date a woman Cas, they're drama queens." Cas chuckled softly at Sam's words and put his hands into his pockets, "I won't be dating anyone for a while Sam." Sam smiles awkwardly at Cas then followed his girlfriend's example and walked out of the house, closing the door behind him, and Cas sighed to himself.

_What do I do now?_

Cas knew that he needed to shower, he smelled of alcohol and sweat. The dream he had earlier was still on his mind, however, but so was Dean.

_Crap I didn't even get his number._

Cas sighed softly and brought his hand to his forehead _ugh awful headache._

He decided that he should take some pain medication that he had up in his kitchen cupboard and went up to take a shower. The rest of his day was spent watching a show that he barely paid attention to and drinking water to fully cleanse himself of the alcohol. He only got up a few times, to use the bathroom and eat dinner, then he laid down and fell asleep on the couch.


	4. The New Employee

_7:00am_

Cas woke up the next morning to the sound of his alarm going off on his phone. He sat up quickly and nearly fell of the couch as he got up and walked into the kitchen to shut the alarm off. Cas leaned against the counter top putting his face into his hands then running his fingers through his hair. He really didn't feel like going to work today because he was fairly certain everyone would ask questions that, frankly, he didn't particularly feel like answering. He walked up the stairs and pushed the door open to his now empty bedroom and walked in.

After throwing his phone onto the bed, he got his work clothes and shoes from his closet and put them on. He sat on his bed for a few minutes to gather himself then grabbed his phone from behind him, accidentally knocking the flowers to the floor. Cas glanced at them briefly then stood up and shut off the lights and walked back downstairs. He retrieved his keys from the wall and sighed softly as he walked to the refrigerator to pack up a lunch.

He opened the door and sitting there on the shelf was a brown paper sack with a note on it

_**Cas, since we're friends I thought I'd make you a lunch. And also here is my number ~Dean** _

That sneaky man, he must have made it during the night. Cas had to hold in his laugh because he was almost certain that it'd turn into him crying and he didn't have time for that. Cas shut the fridge door and walked to the front door grabbing his scarf, jacket, and work badge, then he walked out his front door shutting and locking it behind him.

Once Cas arrived at work, he scanned his badge to get into the building and made his way to his desk. He set his stuff down and noticed a note from his boss sitting taped to the screen of his monitor. Cas sighed and pulled it off of the screen to get a closer look.

 _Castiel,_  
_I need you to help train a new agent, if you would, he should be in around 8:15am. Come see me in my office if you have questions._  
_Mr. Winchester_

Cas groans slightly and checks the time 7:45am and pulls his chair away from his desk, turning on his computer. He didn't understand why they couldn't just make a training class for things like this. Cas slumped down into his chair and laid his forehead against the desk taking a few minutes to breath. "Hiya Castiel." Cas groaned internally and sat up to see Donna his nosy co-worker peeking over the partition that separated their desks. "Hello Donna," Cas heard Donna gasp slightly and he knew she was going to spew millions of questions so he mentally prepared himself. "My heck Castiel what happened to your eye?"

Cas kept his voice monotone as he took a deep breath and answered Donna's question. "Well Donna I got caught up in a fight, and I lost." He watched her expression closely, hoping that she would be satisfied with his simple answer. It seemed she was because she ducked back into her space leaving Cas to himself for at least a few minutes.

Cas didn't hear the person approach his desk, so when he sat up and turned, he nearly fell out of his chair. Cas was staring into his ex boyfriend's eyes and panic set in instantly. "Hello Castiel." Cas couldn't find the words to speak as he clenched his fists against the desk. "Michael..." Cas said his name but it came out more of a whisper than anything. It had been only two days since Michael left Cas after he proposed and seeing him now made his heart ache.

Cas couldn't help but still feel something toward Michael but he knew Michael didn't feel anything and he would just have to suck it up. "How have you been?" Michael asked as he angled his head to the side looking at Cas in a way that made Cas' heart leap. "I...uhm...I've had better times." Cas so badly wanted everything to be better between them. He wanted to be in Michael's arms again, he wanted Michael to love him but that wouldn't ever happen so he just stared at Michael like a hopeless idiot.

"Yeah, I'm sure it can't be easy being so useless all of the time." Cas looked away from Michael at this point as he felt the pain hit him hard. "Yeah well, I do what I can. Will you excuse me?" Cas pushed away from his desk and swiftly walked away toward his bosses office. He was almost to the office when suddenly a hand reached out in front of him stopping him in his tracks, "you will not mention anything about us ever being together to anyone, Castiel." Cas jumped back at the harshness in Michael's voice and he backed up against the wall.

"I....I just need to use the bathroom." Michael chuckles softly and placed his hand lightly on Cas' shoulder. "Funny because the bathrooms are in the other direction." Cas bit his lip as he stared into Michael's eyes, "right." Cas laughs nervously as he turns around and walks back toward the bathrooms. He walks into the bathroom and goes into one of the stalls, closes the door and sits down. He needed to get a hold of himself he couldn't let Michael get the best of him.

They weren't even in a relationship anymore, he shouldn't have to explain himself to Michael ever. He heard someone come into the bathroom and he took a deep breath closing his eyes, "oh Castiel it's funny how you thought you could escape me." Cas started breathing heavily as he sat in the stall, at least there was a door between them. "Why can't you just leave me alone? You already broke my heart because you chose to leave me, just please go." Michael laughs out loud and Cas heard him go into the stall next to him. "Oh but I work here now Cas, you're gonna teach me."

Cas gripped the seat of the toilet as he said this and he stood up and as quickly as he could he went out of the stall. But Michael was faster and he stepped out of the stall, pinning Cas against the wall and his eyes were wild. "I will break you, boy." Cas was terrified as Michael held him against the wall and tears began streaming down his face. "Oh and uh no one will believe anything you say by the way so don't even try to tell anyone." Michael relaxed his posture, smiled innocently at Cas, then walked out of the bathroom and back to wait for Cas at his desk.

The rest of the day actually went rather smoothly, Michael didn't really say much to Cas which he actually enjoyed. It was about an hour before Cas had to leave for the day before Michael actually spoke again, "thanks for teaching me Castiel I appreciate it very much." Cas blinked a few times at Michael, he was confused by what Michael had just said, given that earlier he was in his face threatening him. "Uhm yeah sure anytime." Cas smiled half heartedly at Michael as he finished up his notes.

"I'm sorry Cas." Cas froze for a second then turned to face Michael and he swallowed the lump in his throat. "I....uhm....it's..." Cas couldn't finish what he was saying, he had no words in response, how could he respond to that? Cas turned back to his work trying hard not to focus on Michael sitting next to him. In no time it was time to go home and Cas shut down his computer and gathered his belongings. Everyone had already rushed off of the floor, so only Cas and Michael remained.

Cas stood up pushing away from his desk and Michael stood next to him. "I really messed up Cas, can you give me another chance? I love you so much." Cas closed his eyes then looked down at his hands and took a deep breath, he couldn't deny how he felt toward Michael and actually felt happy that this was happening at this moment. "Would you....accept my proposal for marriage?" Cas looked up into Michael's eyes and they were empty of any emotion but he nodded, "of course I would." Cas stepped back from Michael and smiled slightly as he looked at the floor.

"So can I come home?" Cas quickly looked up and gently bit his lip and nodded at him. "I would love that very much." Cas turns around and walks toward the exit turning around a few times to make sure Michael was still behind him. As soon as they got out of the building Cas turned around and threw his arms around Michael hugging him tightly. "I've missed you so much. I...I'm sorry I acted the way I did. I deserved it." Cas pulled back from Michael and looked into those eyes that he loved so much.

Michael cupped Cas' face in his hands and kissed him gently on the lips then caressed his cheek softly with his fingers. "It's okay sweet pea I still love you." Cas grinned at Michael and he felt his heart squeeze with happiness, "I love you too so much." Cas got into the driver's seat, looking over lovingly at Michael then he started up his car and pulled away from the parking lot. It took him about 15 minutes to get home because there was a little traffic but once they got there Cas hurried and ran around to the passenger side and opened the door for Michael letting him out of the car.

Once they were both inside and Cas had set his stuff down, Michael grabbed Cas by the wrist and pulled him into his arms in a tight embrace. It took everything in Cas to not break down in front of Michael, he loved him more than anything and he really wanted this to work between them. Cas held tight to Michael, hugging his body close him and Michael allowed his hands to wander down to Cas' lower back. "I love you Cas." He tried hard to hold in all of the emotions he had but once the words left Michael's mouth Cas' knees became weak and he dropped to the floor.

Michael bent down next to Cas pulling him up from the floor and he holds him tight against his chest. "Let's go to bed alright?" Cas took a deep breath and a small whimper escaped his mouth as Michael pulled him along up to their bedroom. Once they had reached the bedroom with the door closed, clothing was shed and hands were touching every inch of Cas and his hands touched every inch of Michael. Cas kissed Michael in desperation and passion while Michael kissed every visible inch of Cas' skin.

Soft moans escaped Cas' lips and Michael crawled on top of Cas and he took him. Every part of his soul devoured by the passion that rolled off Michael's lips and Cas loved every second. Eventually they both tired out and fell asleep, their bodies tangled together, the sweat clinging to their bodies as they slept. Cas hadn't a care in the world anymore, he had his love and his heart was whole. Everything that Michael had done to him had been forgotten there was only now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: just to clarify, going back to an abusive relationship is common especially for those that have dealt with it for some time. Please don't be afraid to reach out for support if you ever find yourself in this situation.


	5. The Real Truth

When Cas woke from his sleep, he could feel the fresh chill of the air against his exposed skin and he rolled over to put his arm around Michael. Instead of feeling Michael there, however, the bed was empty with the sheets pushed back and Cas shot up instantly. He could feel the emptiness in his chest and he had to breathe a few times to calm his nerves.

Suddenly Michael walks into the bedroom holding a tray with food on it. Cas sighs softly, relief washing over him and he reaches his hand up, running his fingers through his hair. "Well hello there gorgeous." Cas smiled softly and he shifted slightly as Michael carefully sat down next to him setting the tray onto the bed. Michael reached out and pulled Cas close to him and kissed the top of his head.

"Hi baby," Cas said softly as he looked up at Michael.

"How was your sleep my sweet angel?" Cas reaches out and picks up a piece of toast and nibbled on it, "it was actually wonderful laying next to you my love." Cas laughed softly at Michael's response and leaned against him laying his head on his shoulder.

"Hey uhm so I was wondering if we could grab my stuff from the house I was staying at."

Cas sat up straight and looked at Michael curiously and he shrugged his shoulders, "I don't see why not." Michael leaned forward and kissed Cas gently on his forehead and climbed off of the bed. "How about you finish eating, get cleaned up and we'll go." Cas nodded at Michael looking at him a small smile on his lips. "Okay, I love you." Michael turned and walked out of the room and Cas sighed softly as he glanced at the food and picked up the tray.

Cas finished the food and left the tray on the dresser, picked out some clothes, then went into the bathroom to take a quick shower. Michael was waiting for Cas when he came down the stairs and he nodded approvingly at Cas, "you look amazing babe." Cas gently bit his bottom lip and walked up to Michael. "Thank you....uhm....thank you for giving me another chance Michael."

Michael reached his hand up gently touching Cas on the cheek and looked into his eyes, "of course my love, I'd do anything for you." Tears formed on the corners of Cas' eyes and Michael gently wiped them away. "It's okay baby don't cry." Cas reached his hand up, placing it over Michael's, "I'm just glad that you said yes to marrying me. I'm happy."

Cas walked to the kitchen drawer and pulled the ring from its box and walked back to Michael. He carefully placed the ring onto Michael's hand and he took a deep breath. Michael held out his hand and smiled as he looked at the ring. "It really is amazing. Anyway we should really get going my friend said he can't hold my stuff for long."

Cas nodded and pulled away from Michael and grabbed his car keys, "let's go then." Cas walked out the front door and Michael followed him out, closing the door behind him. Michael was right behind Cas and he hugged him, wrapping his arms around the front of him and kissed him on the neck. A soft giggle escaped Cas' mouth and he turned around and wrapped his arms around Michael's neck. "Just wait until we get home I'm gonna show you the best time."

Michael smirked and he pulled Cas as close as he possibly could and whispered in his ear, "I can't wait." Michael pulled away from Cas and walked around to the passenger side and got into the car putting his seatbelt on. Cas smiled to himself as he got into the driver's seat and started his car. Michael gave Cas the address to the house and Cas put it into his phone and then drove to the house. It was kind of ghetto looking, Cas admitted to himself but he didn't say it out loud, "I'll be right back." Cas leaned in for a kiss from Michael and he kissed his lips gently and Cas pulled back.

Michael got out of the car and hurried inside and Cas turned on the radio so he could listen to music while he waited. After about 30 minutes of him waiting turned into an hour, Cas turned off the car and got out. He walked up to the door and knocked 3 times. The door opened and a tall man stood at the door he had broad shoulders and his hair was cropped short and shaved on the sides, "can I help you?"

Cas felt a small fear in his chest as he stood in front of the man and he cleared his throat, "I....uhm I'm here for Michael...I've been waiting...." He trailed off and took a deep breath stepping slightly away from the door. "Wait you're that Castiel guy aren't you?" Cas bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at his feet, "well yes and I'm actually here for Michael so if you could get him..." the guy burst out laughing and Cas huffed, he was starting to get angry.

"Look I'm just here for my fiance so-"

"Your fiance? Okay you know what wait here." The guy burst out laughing even harder and he turned around leaving the door open. Cas took a deep breath and stood silently waiting for the guy to come back. After a few minutes passed another man showed up along with the other guy. This one was smaller but still had a scary look to him. "What do you want with my man, huh?"

Cas looked puzzled and his heart dropped when Michael came up behind the man and looked over his shoulder, "who is it Alex?" Cas' face fell as he watched Michael wrap his arms around Alex and he stepped back shaking his head, "you what, I don't understand ....Michael...I thought...." Cas trailed off as realization hit him. This whole charade, Michael asking Cas to forgive him, Cas letting him back into his house, them making love, it was a lie.

Michael had a look in his eye that made Cas cringe, "oh it's my ex, you haven't given up on trying to get me back yet?" Cas couldn't even wrap his mind around what was happening, he felt like he was going to vomit. He began stepping away from the door and he caught a glimpse of his ring that he got on the finger of Michael's boyfriend. Cas could feel the bile lurch up from his stomach at what he seen and he had to breathe to make it stop. "I....I don't understand....."

"This is your ex, Mikey?" Michael's now fiance turned and looked at him and Michael's face was full of disgust, "yeah that waste of space can't let me go." Cas whimpered slightly and he felt his entire world shatter in that moment. Alex turned his face back to Cas and shook his head, "well I can help with that." Alex pulled Michael away from him and faced him and he began making out with him there in the doorway in front of Cas.

Cas stood in there in shock, he began feeling dizzy and he couldn't force his body to move. Michael pulled away from Alex and looked directly Cas, stepping out of the house and stopping in front of him. "You're never going to get me back so why are you even here?" Cas couldn't process what he was hearing so he just stood there staring at Michael without saying anything. "I'll be inside honey." Alex said before he went into the house closing the door behind him.

Cas finally was able to make words leave his mouth, "I....I don't understand....you said that.....you said that you loved me and we could be married....then you....." He wasn't able to finish his sentence before Michael slapped him hard across the face. "You shut your stupid mouth." Cas staggered back and there was no holding back the tears that flowed from his eyes. He stared at Michael in complete surprise and he swallowed the lump in his throat "I'll do anything Michael.....please just love me." Cas dropped to his knees, covering his face and he sobbed into his hands.

Michael kneeled next down next to Cas and he placed his hand on his shoulder, causing Cas to look up into his eyes. Michael reached up and caressed Cas on his right cheek and Cas closed his eyes, "I thought you loved me Michael." Cas was sobbing as he said this and tears had already stained his cheeks. Michael suddenly gripped Cas by his hair and pulled his head back roughly forcing Cas to open his eyes

Michael glared directly into Cas' eyes and Cas winced as he pulled his hair tighter. "I already told you Castiel, people can't love useless things." Cas closes his eyes once more, he couldn't look at Michael anymore, then he heard Michael take a deep breath and pulled Cas close to whisper in his ear, "Get off of my porch Castiel or I'm going to kill you." Cas' eyes shot open and he looked into Michael's hate filled eyes then he stood up and Michael released him. His heart was pounding and he just wanted to die as he stared at Michael. Cas backed away slowly from the door, turned and practically tripped down the stairs as he was leaving not bothering to give Michael another glance.

He made his way to his car, stumbling as he walked and got into his car shutting the door quickly. Cas burst into tears as he started his car, his hands were shaking furiously and deep sobs ripped through his chest. He pulled away from the house and began driving home, his heart was completely shattered and he couldn't stop crying; this was the worst day of his life.

_How could this happen?_

_I was so stupid for believing anything Michael said._

Cas wasn't sure exactly how he made it home, his eyes were blurry from crying so much and his head was spinning, yet he was sitting in his driveway with his car in park. He probably sat in his car for hours before he was able to stop crying and hold himself together long enough to get inside his house. His phone was completely dead so when he plugged it in and it charged enough he switched it on and he had missed a call.

He wouldn't have cared who it was if it weren't for the fact that they called 15 times. He checked the number and recognized it as Sam's and he sighed heavily, probably Cathy with her worrying mind. Cas didn't feel like hearing from her because he knew what she would say and he didn't want to admit his vulnerability. Cas hesitated before he dialed Sam's number and he was consciously reminding himself not to break down while he was on the phone.

"Cas?!" He could hear the panic in her voice once she answered.

"Cat....I.....I made a mistake."


	6. Time For A Change

As soon as the words left his mouth his front door swung open, which caused him to jump and turn around, fear set in his eyes. He stares at Cathy and he drops his phone from his hand and quickly walks to her throwing his arms around her. "Baby what's the matter?" He tried to hold himself up but he was so broken inside that his knees gave out and they both dropped to the floor.

"Cas honey what happened?" Cas was sobbing so heavily that all that came from him was heartbreaking whimpers and intakes of sharp breaths. "Cas shh honey hey." Cathy could feel her heart breaking as she held her broken friend in her arms and tears began forming in her eyes. "Cas please tell me what happened." Cathy could feel Cas shaking in her arms and she pushed him up and held his face in her hands, "Castiel look at me."

Cas looked into her eyes but the tears continued streaming down his face, "I....he....I...Cathy it hurts." She pulled him against her chest and began crying with him, "I know baby, I know it does. I'm here." The two of them probably sat there crying together for about 30 minutes before Cas was able to sit up and look at her.

"I saw him Cat, Michael, he showed up at my work as a new employee....." The look she gave him was apologetic as she gently rubbed his shoulder but she sat and listened to him. "He apologized to me and like an idiot I accepted his apology. He even asked me if he could come home and I said yes....Cat I told him he could he stayed the night....and we even.... I....I gave him the ring because he agreed that he'd marry me. I should have seen it Cat.....he...he gave the ring to this other guy ....then he threatened me.....h-how could he do that?"

"He threatened you....Cas I need you to listen to me okay?" He looked at her intently waiting for her to say that he's an idiot and that it served him right but she didn't. "Michael has been and always will be the scum of the earth, the most disgusting piece of filth to ever walk this planet. I am not going to tell you that you made a mistake because you already know that. Cas you were vulnerable and he took advantage of that. I'm so sorry that happened but we need to get you away from all of this." Cas shook his head at Cathy and looked away from her, "Cat this is my home."

"No, Cas this is a mausoleum of what your life used to be, this house, it's a shell of what your life was with Michael. I will not let you fall into a depression over this man. I'll do whatever it takes and if that means getting you the hell away from here then dammit I'll do it." Cas knew she was right but he couldn't bring himself to think of ever leaving this house. He actually owned this house, he paid for it outright and he didn't want to lose that.

"Can we compromise and redecorate?" Cas looked back at her and her face actually brightened up, "yes actually that's a fabulous idea Cas, it's like getting a radical haircut or a tattoo but for your house brilliant." Cathy pulled Cas into a hug and kissed him on the cheek, "I'll call Sam over and maybe his brother can help."

"That's a great idea Cat." She smiled at Cas and pulled Sam's phone from her pocket and stood up, "are you gonna be alright for a few minutes?" Cas rolled his eyes at her and shooed her away, "just go and call them."

Cathy stepped off a few steps from Cas and called Dean's phone, "hey Dean, it's Cat.....yes Dean he's alive but not so much fine long story......yes I'll tell him....." Cas zoned out after this, Cathy tended to ramble on sometimes. He still felt so horrible, his heart was trashed and he wanted to throw up. Michael was the worst person on this planet, Cas hated him and he knew he needed to forget him but it was so hard.

Cathy hung up the phone and bounced back to Cas and knelt down next to him pulling him from his thoughts, "I kinda invited Dean over for you." Cas chuckled softly and he slowly pulled himself from the floor then held out his hand to help her up, "it's fine Cat I'm glad you're here. One problem though, I have work tomorrow and Mr. Winchester would not be very pleased if I missed work." Cathy snorted and she couldn't hold in her slight laughter and Cas sighed heavily at her, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't laugh at my misfortunes Cat."

"No, Oh god no Cas, uhm.....would your boss' first name be John?" Cas cocked his head to the side, looking at her curiously, "How did you know that?" Cathy sighed heavily and smacked her hand against her forehead, "Cas my boyfriend's name is Sam Winchester." Realization hit him as he truly heard what she said, "oh....wait. Really?" She nodded enthusiastically at Cas and suddenly there was a knock at the front door, which was still wide open and they both looked toward the door.

Both Sam and Dean were stood in the doorway, Sam's focus was on Cathy and Dean's was on Cas. "Come on in boys we were actually just talking about Cas' job." She glanced at Cas and he was looking at Dean, "right Cas?" Cas looked at Cathy as soon as she said his name, "huh? Oh uh yeah. I was telling Cat that uhm....my boss.....he wouldn't be happy if I missed work...and she said-"

"That his boss is your father." Cas bit his lip softly and looked away from Sam and Dean, trying to avoid any confrontation.

"I knew I've heard your name before." Dean's enthusiasm caused Cas to snap his head in Dean's direction and he cocked his head to the side. "You have?" Dean relaxed slightly and shrugged his shoulders acting like it wasn't as big of a deal as he just made it seem, "I mean dad might have mentioned you a few times." Cathy watches Cas' expression, which is slightly confused but he actually kind of felt wonderful.

"Well what did he say?" Cathy pressed looking at Dean as she said it, "what? What did he say? Oh uhm just that Cas was one of his most dedicated workers.....and that because he was working so hard that he might become a supervisor soon." Surprise spread across Cas' face and he looked at Cathy, "wow really?" Cas laughed out loud and put his hands over his mouth and he hugged Cathy tight. "Oh my god." Cas could feel the tears of happiness running down his cheeks and he pulled back from her.

"Cas why are you crying?" Cas smiled and looked down at his hands, "I just....I've worked so hard and I thought it wasn't making a difference." Dean stepped forward and placed his hand gently on Cas' shoulder, "I can cover for you at your job Cas." Cas looked at Dean and imagined him training Michael, and Michael saying something awful about Cas then Dean just kicks Michael's ass because he's the CEO's son. Cas smiled to himself and laughs softly. "What's funny Cas?" Cathy was looking at him curiously and Cas sighed, "nothing, uh that's very sweet of you Dean but I actually like working."

Dean chuckled softly gently squeezing Cas' on the shoulder, "what I mean is, my dad is the CEO I'll just talk to him about maybe giving you some paid time off." Dean wasn't aware of the situation that Cas was in at work so he didn't understand why Cas began crying again. "Did I say something wrong?" Dean glanced over at Cathy and she shook her head, "no...his ex showed up at his job and he now works there and Cas is supposed to train him."

Everything was silent for a moment then Dean shouted, "like hell he is!" Cas jumped slightly at the tone of Dean's voice and looked at him, his eyes wide in surprise. "Dean...."

"No Sammy this is not okay....I'm gonna have a talk with dad he needs to know why this isn't okay." Cas shook his head slightly at Dean, "I can't lose this job Dean it's okay I'll just deal with it." Cathy spoke up at this point, "okay first off, no! Michael treated you like garbage then he made you believe he was sorry only to get that ring from you and give it to someone else and now you have to quote deal with it, I don't fucking think so, Cas." The three men looked at Cathy with surprise on their faces and Cas slumped his shoulders.

"What choice do I have Cat?" Dean took a sharp breath and grabbed Cas' face into his hands and stared into his eyes, "your choice should be to be able to feel safe at your job. Your choice should be yourself over anything. Your choice should be not having to face your abuser everyday. If you can't see that I'll make you see it."

"Look the three of us, we care about you Cas and if you're serious about redecorating this house let's do it, but let Dean help." Sam was standing away from them but he actually listened and he walked toward Cas. Dean relaxed his posture and turned to look at his brother, "Sam is right...just let me help you, it's what friends do." Cas nodded his head and closed his eyes running his hands through his hair.

"Alright but I'm exhausted can we please talk about it in the morning." Cathy laughed softly and pulled Cas into a hug and squeezed him gently. "Of course we can, would you like us to stay the night?" Cas shook his head at her and bit his lip, "no I'll be fine besides I know you'll check on me way too much and I won't get any sleep." Both Sam and Dean laughed at Cas' comment and Cathy huffed. "I mean you're not wrong but fine, we'll be by early. Like 8 in the morning so if you aren't up we'll just come in and drag you out of bed."

Cas laughed and smiled at his best friend then looked at Sam, "thank you for being with Cat, Sam you're really lucky to have her." Cathy's jaw dropped and she gently pushed Cas by the shoulder. "Stop it you're making me blush, okay goodnight Cas." The three of them left after they exchanged more hugs and Cas had to admit he actually felt whole for the first time in a few days. 

He really didn't feel hungry after everything that happened so Cas just flipped on his tv curled up on the couch and fell asleep without a second thought about Michael and his horrible existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: CAS MY DEAR SWEET CAS JUST FUCKING GET WITH DEAN!!!! I'm angry at my own writing y'all. Anywho thanks for reading xx


	7. Getting To Know You

Cas had forgotten to shut his alarm off so he was woken up at 7am on the dot. He laid on his back staring up at the ceiling for about 15 minutes before he decided to get up off of the couch. He slowly made his way up to the bathroom so that he could shower, which he decided he'd take a quick one rather than a long one. After his shower he got dressed in casual sweatpants and a shirt that tightly hugged his chest.

He walked down the stairs and was checking his phone when there was a knock at the front door. Cas hesitated before he walked to the door and switched the lock over, pulling it open slowly. His heart skipped a beat as he saw Dean standing patiently on his porch with his hand in the pockets of his jacket. "Hello Dean." Cas stepped back and held the door open allowing Dean to come into the house. Cas closed the door and watched as Dean walked into the living room.

"So I'm early I know but I like being early." Cas laughed softly and shrugged his shoulders as he followed behind Dean and they both sat on his couch. "It's okay." Dean was staring at Cas' chest and Cas cocked his head to the side and cleared his throat, "so...how did you sleep?" Dean blinked his eyes a couple times, "I guess I slept fine, how about you?" Cas shrugged his shoulders and looked away, "as good as I could I guess. Forgot to shut off my alarm but I guess I'm kinda glad I did otherwise you would've been outside waiting."

Dean laughed softly as he folded his hands into his lap, "yeah I guess so." They sat there quietly for a few minutes and Cas began fidgeting, "So....why don't you work with your dad?" Dean snapped his head up with a guilty look in his eye, "uh I just don't like that line of work, I'm a mechanic." Cas pursed his lips, nodding his head as he listened to Dean.

"That's really cool." Dean curves his lip up on the side and looks down at the floor, "yeah I suppose it's pretty cool. But you like working at your job?" Cas looks up at Dean nodding his head, "it isn't the worst job, I've had worse jobs if I'm being completely honest." Dean's phone goes off and he looks down at his screen and he shakes his head slightly. Cas cocks his head to the side and Dean looks at him, "Sam and Cathy, they won't be here for a few hours probably like noon."

Cas chuckles and wipes his fingers across his brow, he was fairly certain that this was Cathy's way of forcing him to spend time with Dean and he laughed softly. Dean looked at Cas and his face twists in amusement, "I have the feeling that's Cathy basically trying to get us to hook up or something." Cas nods his head at Dean, then shrugs his shoulders, "well she is very persistent apparently."

Dean laughs out loud and lays back on the couch, "my brother is as well. He insists that it would be good for me. He says 'Dean Cas is a good guy and you'd be great for each other.' I dunno I guess I just worry ya know." Cas looks at Dean, who is staring up at the ceiling and he gently bites his lip. Cas couldn't help but wonder why Dean would worry, he knew why he worried himself but not why Dean would. "I worry too." Dean sat up and looked at Cas, he smiles softly and moved a bit close.

"I worry for a different reason than you Cas. My worry is more that I would accidentally hurt you and I wouldn't want that." Cas glared at Dean playfully and raised his eyebrow, "I'd kick your ass just so you knew if you did." Dean sat back slightly with a surprised expression and he laughed softly, he knew Cas was joking.

"Well you are feisty. I admire that." Cas tried to hold in his laugh but he just couldn't so when he laughed he leaned forward against Dean. "Well it's good to see you laughing instead of crying." Cas took a deep breath then sat up slightly to look into Dean's eyes. "I've cried so much lately I don't know if I can anymore." Dean reaches up to move a piece of Cas' hair from his eye, "well crying is good for the soul. I cry....if I need to. Or if I'm extremely angry." Dean chuckles softly mostly at himself but he smiles softly at Cas and caresses his cheek.

Cas sits back against the couch with one leg over the other, "I cry way too much." Dean moved next to Cas resting his arm along the back of the couch behind him, "you're extra sensitive, that's not a bad thing." Cas smiles to himself, shaking his head as he plays with a loose string on one of the couch pillows. "It is if you give yourself to someone easily. They just take it as an invitation to treat you like shit." Cas rips the string from the pillow and lets it fall to the floor, "Cas....." Dean reaches down and grabs Cas' hand into his and Cas looks up at him, "it isn't your fault that your ex douche bag decided to act the way he did and be the way he is."

"Yeah....I'm starting to figure that out." Cas sighs softly and looks away from Dean. How could he not realize it before that Michael was a piece of crap? Probably because you were blindsided by how charming he was, Cas thought to himself. Dean placed his hand gently on Cas' thigh and Cas looked at him with a slight smile on his face. "I'd never let anything bad happen to you Cas." Cas felt his heart jump slightly in his chest and he smiled down at his hands and shrugged, "thanks Dean but sometimes the worst things that happen to us can lead to some of the best things that will ever happen to us."

Cas could have sworn he saw a tear form in the corner of Dean's eye after he said that. "That's true Cas, so true." Dean wasn't sure if he wanted to say what he was going to because he didn't want to pressure Cas into anything. Dean genuinely cared for Cas and he was really starting to like him and he didn't want to ruin it by saying something stupid. Suddenly Dean's phone rang and they both jumped slightly and Dean reached into his pocket grabbing his phone. He answered it and looked at Cas, "Hello.....oh hey Cat......yeah Cas and I are waiting........no Cat nothing happened..."

Dean sighed as he listened to Cathy talk and Cas watched his expression, which was calm. Cas took this opportunity to really look over Dean, he had great muscle definition and his skin was a bit tanned and he noticed that Dean's eyes crinkle whenever he smiled. Everything about Dean was perfection, at least in Cas' eyes. "Alright Cat......uh huh......okay......see ya later.....mhm bye."

Dean hung up his phone and turned to Cas, "So Cat and Sam are not coming, which is very disappointing." Cas looked at Dean and he instantly sensed the sarcasm in his voice. They stared at each other for about 2 seconds before they both burst out laughing. "Such a shame having them here would have made the day so much better." Cas laughed as he said it and his comment actually made Dean laugh harder. It took them about 3 minutes to stop laughing and Cas sighed softly and laid back on the couch.

"Our friend is weird. Like she wants us to get together." Cas sat up slowly and cocked his head to the side, "she said that?" Dean took a deep breath as he looked at Cas, "not using those words exactly." Cas laid back down on the couch and stared up at the ceiling, "I'm not saying that I want to jump into a new relationship but.....you are an amazing guy, Dean." Cas heard Dean scoff slightly and he shifted his weight on the couch, "I'm just me Cas nothing special."

"You say that.....but to me that's just perfect. I'm a very passionate person Dean and I know what a wonderful person looks like, despite my most recent failure, and you are just that." Cas grabs one of his pillows and props it under his head then put his arm behind his head so he could see Dean better. "But that's part of my problem isn't it? I see only the good in someone so much that by the time the bad shows it's too late."

Dean's expression turned sad as he listened to Cas, "that doesn't define you Castiel, you make the choice to be kind, but people can be terrible and that isn't a direct representation of you, that just shows who they are as a person." Cas breathes calmly then takes a deep breath, "yeah well sometimes I wish I wasn't like this, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so damn much." Dean leaned forward and gently grabbed Cas free hand tugging it gently and Cas sat up shifting so he could snuggle up to Dean.

"But I am grateful to Cat and Sam......and now even you. But they've always had my back especially when I was being a dumb ass." Cas paused for a moment just silent as he listened to the sound of Dean's heartbeat against his ribcage. Dean rubbed his fingertips on Cas' shoulder but he didn't say anything. "I guess I'm blessed in that area, friendship.....if I wasn't, I don't know what would happen to me." Cas lifted his head to look at Dean his green eyes were light and he had a slight smile on his face.

"What?" Dean's lips curve into amusement as he looks at Cas and he shook his head. "Nothing, you just fascinate me." Cas sits up slightly, angling his body toward Dean. "I fascinate you?" Dean laughs softly and gently pulls Cas back down against his chest and presses his lips against the top of Cas' head, "is that alright with you?"

Cas sat quietly, unsure exactly how he felt about what Dean just said, let alone how he would respond. Cas turned his head to look at Dean and he shrugs his shoulders, "well I dunno.....is it genuine fascination or do you have an ulterior motive?" Dean chuckled softly, his lips still against Cas' hair, "and what ulterior motive could I possibly have?" Cas shrugged as he looks at his hands, "I don't know honestly I'm just fragile and I don't want to get hurt is all."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas hugging him close to his body, "Cas I'm not asking you to trust me right away. I do, however, want you to know that I don't have any ill intentions." Cas knew that he could trust Dean, he knew the second that he met Dean that first day but he really wanted to take it slow. He knew that he wanted to give Dean a chance and even though it terrified him he was starting to really like Dean and if today proved anything, it was that Cas had support. Cas looked up at Dean, taking a deep breath and stood up from the couch grabbing Dean's hand, "food time." Dean groans and slowly stands up his face directly in front of Cas and he smiles at him, "what are we eating?" Cas grinned at Dean and took a long deep breath and released it, "well we could go out and drive around until we find a place we both like, hm?"

Dean stretched his arms out and rested them over Cas' shoulders, "I think.....that's a great idea." Dean leaned forward slightly and pecked Cas on the forehead.

"I need to get dressed in something more suited for a date, not that it's a date but you know I don't really want to look like a homeless man." Dean laughed and ran his fingers through Cas' hair, "I mean I'm willing to take you on an actual date, but no this is just for fun so if you wanted to go as you were I wouldn't hold it against you." Cas laughed softly to himself and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and looked at his feet, "well I can accept that but can I at least change my pants for this little excursion?" Dean took a deep breath but gestured his hand toward the stairs, "I'm not stopping you."

Cas stepped past Dean and slipped upstairs, he walked into his room and stopped in front of the mirror. The swelling that was on his eye had gone down and most of the bruising had faded but the memory was still there. Cas reaches his hand up gently touching his cheekbone, it was tender to touch and Cas took a deep breath releasing it into a sigh. Dean suddenly cleared his throat from behind Cas which caused him to jump so hard his body hit the mirror. Thankfully, much to Cas relief, the mirror didn't break, but now Cas' heart was beating so hard in his chest.

"You.....you scared me Dean?" Dean's expression was apologetic as he walked into the room toward Cas, "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to frighten you." Cas almost fell backwards into the mirror but before he could fall Dean firmly gripped his elbow and pulled him toward the bed and he gently pushed him to sit.

"Cas I think I'm just gonna make something here at the house for us to eat." Cas had to look up at Dean and he had to focus on Dean's face to fully register what he said, his head was cloudy and he felt weak as he nodded his head. "Yeah okay, sure." Dean made sure that Cas was going to be okay before he held his hand out pulling Cas to his feet, "let's head downstairs I want to keep an eye on you." Cas held onto Dean's hand as he pulled him downstairs and set him in a chair at the kitchen table.

"Where did you learn to cook, Dean?" Dean chuckled softly as gathered what he needed then he turned around and leaned against the counter with his arms folded across his chest.

"My mother actually." Cas lifted his head slightly and smiled softly at Dean, "that's really amazing, I kind of wish my mom was in my life." Dean stepped forward and pulled up a chair, sitting down next to Cas. "Did something happen?" Cas shrugged, looking down at his hands and sighed softly, "well she left when I was young and my dad, he was an alcoholic but he did the best he could with what he had."

Cas looked at Dean, his expression was calm but he had a sadness in his eye, "I'm real sorry Cas." Cas shook his head, reaching out to place his hand on Dean's shoulder, "don't be, it doesn't really affect me as much as you'd think." Dean glanced at Cas' hand then looked Cas in the eye, "ya know....you're a lot stronger than you show people." Cas pulled his hand back, letting it rest in his lap and he sighed heavily.

"I....I believed a man that told me he loved me, I let him break me, I let him control me, and all for what? I'm a complete mess, but I'm a mess that knows that I can't be afford to wallow, if that makes me strong then I guess I am." Dean shifted in his chair and smiled softly at Cas, reaching up to push a piece of Cas' hair from his eyes but he couldn't think of anything to say so he got up and went back to making their dinner. "I'm sorry...." Dean didn't turn around, he just continued to cook while Cas sat there watching him.

"Did I say something wrong Dean?" Still Dean didn't say anything, how could he? Cas is this wonderful human being, he has a beautiful heart, and a kind soul. But he couldn't see it, no matter how much Dean wanted Cas to see how amazing he was, he couldn't, all because some asshole decided to make him feel less than, some asshole decided Cas wasn't good enough in his eyes and so because of that Cas believed he wasn't.

Cas closed his eyes and took a deep breath, laying his forehead against the table. He tried hard to keep his emotions under control because he wanted every moment he spent with Dean to be a happy moment. It was difficult for Cas because he was always made to believe he'd done something wrong, even if he hadn't. He tried to be the best boyfriend for Michael but it just was never enough. He didn't want to ruin any chance he had with Dean.

Try as he may, the tears came and a sob ripped through his chest creating a sound that caused Dean to drop what he was doing and rush over to Cas and pull him into his arms. "Hey Cas, you didn't do anything wrong okay?" Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and squeezed him tight against his chest, pressing his lips firmly against the top of Cas' head. "I'm sorry if I made you feel like you did I never meant to make it seem like I was upset I just hate the way he treated you."

Dean took a deep breath and Cas could hear his slightly shaky breathing against his hair. "I need you to hold on okay?" Cas pulled slightly away from Dean and lifted his head to look into his eyes. Dean's face was torn and his eyes had leaked tears down his cheeks, "Dean, you're crying." Dean's hand instantly came up to his cheek and he swiftly wiped the tears away, "I'll be okay." Dean carefully reached his hand out and brushed his thumb along Cas' cheekbone and he smiled slightly, "you'll be okay."

It was in that moment that Cas knew he would be, the genuine tone that Dean held was reassurance of that. Cas looked into Dean's eyes and it was without question that he knew he loved him. It both terrified and excited him, the person he wanted only as a friend could quite possibly be the one he's been waiting for, the one to change everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: yooooo thanks you guys for reading my story so far, it's probably not that great but I like it xD this chapter is much longer than others oops but it's kinda worth it imo idk I hope it doesn't ruin things but OMG Cas and Dean ugh they're close they need just a wee push *wiggles eyebrows* anyway you guys are awesome xx


	8. This Is How I Feel

Dean ended up burning the food accidentally while trying to comfort Cas, so they ended up just ordering pizza. When the delivery girl showed up Dean took care of paying her while Cas sat at the kitchen table staring off into nothing. Once Dean closed the front door he walked back into the kitchen setting the pizza onto the counter and he turned to look at Cas. He felt a twinge of sadness looking at the broken person sitting just a few feet from him and he cleared his throat, stepping forward toward Cas. 

"So the pizza is here...." Cas sat there unmoving and looked down at his hand resting in his lap, "Dean why are you here?" Dean stepped back slightly, he was caught by surprise at Cas' sudden question and he turned to face away from Cas his hands resting on the counter as he leaned against it. "I'm here Cas because after the first day I met you I knew that you'd need a friend....but then I got to know you," Dean turned back to face Cas and his expression turned soft, "and I felt strongly that I wanted to protect you."

Dean grabbed the pizza from the counter then stepped back toward Cas, pulling up a chair next to him then sitting down. Cas watched Dean intently with his arms folded across his chest and his head tilted slightly to the left. Opening the pizza box, Dean took a piece of pizza and took a bite out of it. "So you're here because you want to protect me?" Dean froze with the pizza still in his mouth and he shook his head and bit off the piece chewing it then swallowing.

"I mean, yes, but Cas I have also recently discovered how I truly feel." Cas leans forward, resting his elbows against the table and laying his head down, "and how is it, that you truly feel, Dean?" Dean reaches his hand out and gently rubs his hand along Cas' arm, "I feel..... that I really am starting to fall for you and deep down in my heart I kinda wish you were falling for me. Now I know that it's kinda still too soon after-" 

"No!" Cas pushed himself away from the table causing the chair to scrape across the tile. Dean stared at Cas in surprise then Cas pushed Dean's chair away from the table, straddled him, then cupped his face into his hands, "I like you more than just a friend and I have for at least a day now." Cas felt his heart beating inside his chest, it was loud enough that he could hear it in his ears. Dean looked up into Cas' eyes and he let his hands rest against his hips, "a-are you sure? I mean I don't want you to rush it if you're not sure."

Cas laughed out loud nervously and leaned his forehead against Dean's, closing his eyes, "I've never been so sure of anything than I am of that." Dean slowly brought his hand up Cas' hip along his ribcage and let it sit under his arm, causing him to tense slightly then he brought his hand up to pull Cas' bottom lip between his fingers. Cas opened his eyes and Dean let his hand fall into his lap and he quickly glances down at Cas lips then up into his eyes. 

Cas carefully and slowly pressed his lips against Dean's, wrapping his arms around his neck and Dean let his hands snake around Cas' lower back. The way they moved their lips together, the synchronicity of their movements, made it seem like they've been doing it for years and Cas never wanted it to stop. Cas could feel the desire coming from Dean's lips as he licked along his lower lip causing Dean to open his mouth, a soft moan escaping his mouth.

"Cas I think I'm in love with you." Dean whispered softly in between Cas' mouth, the statement made Cas' heart leap in his chest and he pulled his chest against Dean's as close as he possibly could, then pulled back, separating their lips. Cas brought his hand up to touch Dean on his cheek, "that's so crazy..." Cas didn't finish his statement, instead he stared longingly into Dean's eyes and he could feel a passion so deep it nearly consumed him. 

Cas looked at the details of Dean's face, from the soft green of his eyes, which held specks of yellow, to the thick luscious lips he had just been kissing, and then the light stubble that was on Dean's face which Cas thoroughly enjoyed. Cas never wanted to leave this moment he was in heaven, here in Dean's embrace, it made Cas feel whole like nothing ever happened to him. "It is pretty crazy." Cas was pulled from his thoughts and he looked at Dean and gently pressed his lips against Dean's.

Cas could feel the hesitation coming from Dean, which made him pull back again and look into his eyes. "What's the matter?" Dean smiled softly and glanced down below Cas' stomach, "I uhm...." Cas glanced down to where Dean was focused, he hadn't even noticed that he was excited he was too focused on how he felt while kissing Dean. Safe to say that he also felt he was falling for Dean and his body had given itself permission to react to that. 

Cas could feel the flush of his cheeks and he dropped his head and leaned slightly away from Dean, "I'm so sorry Dean." Cas couldn't help but feel slightly embarrassed, it wasn't his intention to think of Dean in such a way, after all it was just kissing. But Cas couldn't pull himself away from how it made him feel, the feeling of Dean's lips pressing against his own had given him a whole new feeling he'd never ever felt, even kissing Michael. 

Dean reached his hand up to cup Cas' cheek and he gently guided Cas to look into his eyes, "you don't need to ever apologize alright?" Cas was staring into Dean's eyes and he smiled softly, pulling his arms from around Dean and cupped Dean's face into his hands. "Cas....will you give me a chance to be with you?" Cas swallowed the lump in his throat, running his fingertips along the back of Dean's neck, "I.....I'd love to be with you." 

Dean gripped his fingers to the bottom of Cas' shirt and he tugged on it gently, "you don't have to say yes if-" Cas interrupted Dean by pressing his lips against his neck, he kissed along Dean's jawline, then connected their lips together. Cas whispered against Dean's lips, his breathing heavy as he does, "I do....want to....be with you." Dean chuckled softly against Cas' lips and he nudged kisses against his mouth, then brought his hand up to grip Cas by the back of his neck as they kissed.

Cas was really getting into the kiss, as he slowly began grinding his hips down on Dean, which caused Dean to moan slightly. Dean reached down to grip Cas by the back of his thighs, then he stood up while still holding onto him. Cas gasped and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck so he could hold on because he stood up so suddenly. "Dean I would much rather walk if I'm being completely honest." Dean chuckled softly, then released his grip on one of Cas' legs, allowing Cas to place his foot on the floor. 

Dean released the other leg and Cas stood there in front of him with his arms still around his neck. Dean smiled softly at Cas and brought his hand up to rest just below Cas' shoulder blades, "I'm a little tired." Cas felt his stomach growl and it was loud enough that Dean heard it, which made him raise his eyebrow at Cas. "You should eat something Cas." Dean laughed softly then brought his hand up to run his fingers through Cas' hair. 

Cas sat at the table and had a few pieces of pizza, while Dean sat next to him with his chin rested on his hands. Once Cas had finished his food he turned to Dean and smiled at him, "thank you for being here." Dean angled his head to the side, looking at Cas from the corner of his eye, "of course Cas, I'll always be here." Cas felt the jump of his heart after Dean said that and he pushed his chair away from the table and grabbed Dean's hand pulling him to a standing position. 

"Would you like to sleep in my bed with me?" Dean chuckled softly as he looked into Cas' eyes and he held his hand against Cas' jawline, "I would actually love that." They didn't bother to put the food away as they both retreated up to Cas' bedroom. Cas grabbed some night clothes and went into the bathroom to change while Dean just stripped down to his briefs. When Cas came out of the bathroom he gasped softly in surprise.

Dean's body was the most beautiful thing he'd ever laid eyes on, the muscle definition on his biceps made Cas feel woozy. He walked up to Dean who had turned when he heard Cas gasp, "well hello there." Dean said in a husky tone. Cas had to mentally remind himself to breathe or he might just faint right here on the floor. "Hello..." the response was soft, almost submissive as he stood in front of Dean, and it indicated how sleepy Cas really was.

Dean reached out and pulled Cas toward him by grabbing his lower back, "are you ready for bed?" Cas couldn't find the words to speak as he started up into Dean's eyes. The heat that came from Dean had made Cas' head spin and he was so intoxicated by the scent of Dean's skin that he didn't actually hear the question, so he just nodded in hopes that it was an acceptable response.

Dean laughed softly, tilting Cas' head up and gently pressing his mouth to Cas' lips. It took all but a few seconds for them to be laid out on the bed their lips moving against one another in a deep passion. Cas felt his excitement rise in his pajamas and he couldn't stop the moan that escaped his lips. Dean pulled back slightly and looked into Cas eyes, "I know that you want me to make love to you Cas but I really think you should get some rest."

Cas felt the disappointment instantly and he let out a soft sigh, which actually came out more of a groan, as he was still breathing rather heavily. Dean chuckled and rolled off to Cas' left side, pulling Cas as close to him as possible and he whispered against Cas' ear, "we will finish this one of these days I promise." Cas smiled softly to himself as he closed his eyes and within a few minutes he was out. Only a faint snore could be heard coming from Cas and admittedly it made Dean fall for him even more.

Dean knew that this thing that he and Cas had could be more than just sex and he didn't want Cas to believe that sex was all he wanted. Cas was a wonderful person and he deserved the absolute best and Dean had every intention to give it to him. Cas said a few things in his sleep before Dean actually realized he was sleeping, then Dean shut off the lights and wrapped himself around Cas and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: alright y'all I just gotta say thanks for reading my story and also I love you guys. Yeah and......FINALLY! Anyway lots of love xx


	9. You Are Loved

Cas woke up, sun shining through his bedroom window, laying on his stomach with his arm hanging over the edge of the bed. He was slightly disoriented, but he shifted slightly and froze as he felt an arm resting against his back. Slowly Cas turned his head over to see Dean sleeping peacefully next to him, he felt relief sweep over him and he turned his entire body to face Dean. Cas smiled softly to himself as he pulled the blanket over half of his face so only his eyes were showing.

"Ya know, it isn't polite to watch people sleep, right?" A smile spread across Dean's face and he lifted the blanket separating them so he could inch closer to Cas, then he pulled the blanket over both of their heads. Cas pulled his body closer and draped his arm across Dean's body, "yeah well.....who said I'm polite?" Dean chuckled softly and placed his arm around Cas pulling their bodies together, "I can always make you be polite."

Cas laughed softly but he felt a sudden urge to accept Dean's proposal, in an odd sort of way, the idea of Dean making him do anything excited Cas. "Oh.... well if you think you can, then go ahead." Dean lifted his head, his face twisting in amusement, "really now?" In one swift movement Dean turned Cas onto his back and swung his leg over Cas so that he was straddled on top of him.

Cas' expression was surprised as he looked up into Dean's eyes and he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. "Yeah really. " Cas let a soft giggle escape as Dean glared at him playfully, then leaned down and pushed his shirt up so he could place gentle kisses along Cas' abs. Neither one of them noticed the knocking at the front door so of course they wouldn't notice someone approaching the bedroom.

Dean kissed his way up Cas' chest and soft moans escaped his mouth. "Oh my god please tell me you guys are not fucking." Cas froze and Dean sat up quickly still sat on top of Cas, Cathy was stood there in the doorway of the bedroom her eyes wide in surprise. Dean raised his eyebrow then looked at Cas, "are we?" Cas laughed out loud then covered his face with his hands and took a deep breath letting it out as a sigh. He dropped his hands from his face then let his arms fall to his sides extended out, "no we're not."

Cas let his head fall to the side to look at Cathy and her face was amused, "I think I'm going to take a shower." Cas turned his head to look up at Dean and he smiled, placing his hands on Dean's thighs, "okay ba-....I....uhm I mean Dean." Ignoring the fact that Cathy was still in the room he leaned down and kissed Cas deeply for a few seconds then climbed off of him carrying the blanket with him to the bathroom to cover himself.

Once Dean had gone into the bathroom he shut the door and Cathy looked at Cas and had a huge grin on her face. She waited until she heard the shower water running before she spoke, "wow.....Cas, I'm impressed." Cathy walked into the room and she sat at the end of the bed facing Cas, "Cat....I think....I think Dean and I are a couple." He felt his heart leap as he realized the weight of his words and what that meant for him.

Anyone can date someone and it usually works out nicely, but Cas had gone through emotional hell because of his ex. For him to be able to overcome that and allow Dean into his personal circle meant a great deal and Cas was fairly certain it meant a lot to Dean as well. Cathy smiled softly at Cas and clapped her hands together like a fan at her favorite concert. "I knew this was going to happen." Cas stretched out, groaning as his muscles stretched then he sat up and pulled his shirt down, moving closer to her. "Cat I don't know how to explain it. I feel so amazing like there's no pain at all."

Cathy turned to face him and she reached her hand out placing it on Cas' leg, "that's actually amazing Cas I'm happy for you." He moved a bit more and sat next to her and looked down at his hands, "but I'm afraid....that I'll do something to make him not wanna be with me." Cas heard Cathy take a deep breath and he felt her hand rest on his shoulder, "Dean isn't that complicated Cas, just be yourself and he will love you just as you are." Cas lifted his head to look at her and he smiled sheepishly, "you think so?" Cathy nodded her head at him, her expression was fully confident, "I know so."

They both heard the water shut off, Cathy stood up from the bed and turned away from the bathroom door, "I'm coming out there naked Cat." Cas laughed softly, covering his mouth with his hand, and Cathy rolled her eyes and stomped out of the room. The door of bathroom opened and Dean, in fact, walked out naked, causing Cas to gently bite his lip as he looked Dean up and down. "You like what you see Cas?" Cas made eye contact with Dean and he nodded his head at him.

Dean walked toward the bed, sat down next to Cas, "well this is all yours now." Cas looked away from Dean and stared at the floor, he felt his heart jump but he couldn't shake the fear that creeped up directly after that. How long would Dean be his for? Dean reaches his hand out placing his fingers under Cas' chin and pulling up so Cas would look at him. "I'm yours Cas and I'll be yours as long as you'll have me." Cas could feel the tears come to his eyes and he took a deep breath, "but why? What makes a useless bag of shit like me deserving of someone amazing like you?" Dean stood up and grabbed his clothing from the floor and slips his briefs on, then pulls his shirt over his head and puts his pants on.

Cas watches him with confusion on his face and he feels a slight panic as he doesn't know what Dean is doing. Dean gripped Cas by the wrist gently and pulled him up and walked with him to the bathroom. He gently brought Cas to the mirror and stood next to him, "you are worth everything Cas and I'm going to be here everyday just so you understand." Dean laces his fingers with Cas' and gently pulls him to face him, "everyday Cas I promise you that, will you let me in?" Cas swallowed the lump in his throat, he wasn't sure how to respond, he's never had someone care for his well being as much as Dean and it confused him. "I'll let you." Cas trusted Dean implicitly and he would probably let Dean do anything, which he knew was stupid, but that's love right? Dean cupped Cas' cheeks in his hands and took a deep breath then pressed his lips gently to Cas' forehead.

"Hey, are you dressed Dean?"

Sam's voice came through the room and Dean pulled away from Cas then walked out of the bathroom, "I'm here Sammy." Cas turned to look at himself in the mirror and sighed softly, he knew Dean was right, he needed to love himself and he actually enjoyed the idea of Dean helping him with it. Dean came back into the bathroom knocking lightly on the door, causing Cas to turn and look at him. "Uh my father called he said he'd like to have a talk with you about a promotion. So you should probably get dressed." Surprise came across Cas' face and he grinned, stepping forward to throw his arms around Dean, "I can't believe this." Dean wrapped his arms tight around Cas hugging him close. Cas pulled away then looked up into Dean's eyes, "I.....I'm gonna go get dressed then we'll go."

Cas was in work mode now so he stepped past Dean and pulled his work pants from his closet and grabbed a nice button up shirt. He walked back into the bathroom then stripped down his clothing not really caring if Dean was standing there. Once he got his clothes on he looked in the mirror and picked up his comb, running it through his hair. Dean watched Cas' get ready with an amused expression as he leaned against the bathroom counter.

Cas looked at Dean out of the corner of his eye, "what is it?" Dean chuckled softly shaking his head and he pushed away from the counter, stepping toward Cas. He reached his hand up, pushing Cas' hair back, and smiled softly. "You look amazing." Cas felt the flush on his cheeks and he looked down at his feet then back up at Dean, "thank you Dean." Cas looked at himself in the mirror one last time before he turned to Dean, taking his hand into his own, lacing their fingers and pulling him along out of the bathroom. Dean followed next to Cas as they came down the stairs where Cathy and Sam were standing in the kitchen. Cathy squeaked as she noticed they were holding hands and she looked at Sam.

"Uh we are going to go to my work, I think I'm getting a promotion." Cas was fairly confident that he was getting just that and Cathy smiled and pulled Cas into a hug. Cas chuckled softly and hugged her awkwardly with one arm then he pulled away. "We wish you luck Cas." Sam stepped forward and gave Cas a gentle pat on his shoulder and turned back to Cathy. "Cat and I are going out to lunch so we will probably see you tonight." Cas nods his head once and Sam hugs his brother then takes Cathy by the hand and they leave. Cas then looks up at Dean, "you ready to go?" Dean shrugs his shoulders at Cas then leans in kissing him on the cheek, "ready when you are babe." Cas blushes and gently bites his lip between his teeth, "alright then let's go."

Cas grabs his phone from the counter, his keys from the wall, and pulls Dean out of the front door, locking it behind him. They walk out hand in hand to the car and Cas opens the passenger door for Dean. Cas gets into the driver's seat and looks over at Dean smiling softly, "you are so amazing." Dean chuckles softly at Cas and shakes his head, "just start the car Cas we gotta go." Cas starts his car and pulls out of the driveway heading toward his work. He had a smile on his face, love in his heart and a strong hope for the future, and with Dean now by his side he knew that it was a bright future one that he couldn't wait for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yoooooooo I'm so happy my dudes. My boys are finally together and Cas is finally gonna be happy!


	10. Who You Really Needed

Dean spent the entire car ride singing along to the music on the radio, hearing him hit the high notes during the song currently playing sent chills down Cas' back and he had to focus on the road so that he didn't get distracted. Once they arrived at Cas' job and found a place to park, Dean got out of the car and walked around to open the car door.

Cas got out of the car and stood in front of Dean with a smile on his face, "thank you kind sir." Dean chuckled softly, pulling Cas into a hug, and pressing his lips to the top of his head, "You're welcome any time." Cas pulled back from Dean, taking his hand into his own, and guided Dean to the front entrance, his heart began beating heavily in his chest and he squeezed Dean's hand slightly. Dean rubbed his thumb over the top of Cas' hand and gently tugged his hand back, causing Cas to turn and look at him.

"Cas it will be okay we're just here to discuss your promotion then we will go back home."

Cas took a deep breath, gently biting his bottom lip as he wrapped his arms around Dean, hugging him before pulling away again, "I'm just a bit nervous." Dean reached his hand up to caress Cas on the cheek, pulling his lip up into a slight smile, "I know Cas but it'll be okay I promise, I'm here with you." Cas felt a sudden rush of calm come over him as soon as the words left Dean's mouth and he turned toward the door scanning his badge, pulling the door open and walking into the building, Dean following behind him.

Once inside the building Cas led Dean through the far hallway toward his Boss' office, not bothering to acknowledge any of the people watching them. Cas stopped just in front of the door of the office glancing briefly at Dean before he knocked lightly on the door.

The door opened a few seconds after and Cas took a deep breath as he was staring directly into Michael's eyes, the pain in his chest creeping up slowly. Cas stepped to the side to let Michael pass him which he did, but not before scoffing and looking at Dean, "oh hello Dean good to see you." Cas watched in surprise as Michael walked away, then looked at Dean curiously but before Cas could satisfy his curiosity however Mr. Winchester called out to him, "Castiel, you made it please come in."

Mr. Winchester glanced over at Dean and sat back in his chair folding his hands into his lap, "Dean I wasn't expecting you to be here but I suppose you can come in too." Cas closed his eyes and pushed away any thoughts that would distract him in this moment then he walked into the office and sat in one of the chairs in front of Mr. Winchester's desk.

Dean sat in the chair next to him but Cas didn't look at him, instead he kept his gaze on Mr. Winchester so that he wouldn't get emotional. "Castiel you are one of my best workers and you have been with this company for a while and it's not gone without notice." Cas sat silently as Mr. Winchester spoke to him and he felt Dean shift next to him then spoke up, "I just want to express my gratitude for the opportunity that I have been given to work for such a prestigious company Mr. Winchester." Cas heard Dean chuckle softly next to him and he clenched his fists in his lap. He couldn't really understand why but he felt a sudden urge to punch Dean in that moment but he opted to keep that to himself.

"Please Castiel call me John and honestly I would like to express my appreciation by giving you a raise as well as a promotion and I would like it if you were to accept." Cas kept his gaze on John as he spoke and a smile formed on his lips, "I would like that very much. Thank you John." Cas relaxed his hands in his lap and laced his fingers together, allowing them to rest lightly in his lap. Dean shifted again next to Cas and John looked at him curiously, "do you have something to add Dean? You look restless." Dean cleared his throat, leaning forward slightly and shook his head, "no sir I think it's wonderful that you are giving Cas this chance it's well deserved." Dean turned his head to look at Cas, who still hasn't looked at Dean, then looked back to his father.

"I have to agree and I will start everything next week but there is something I need you to do first Castiel." Cas leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees and finally glanced at Dean, "anything sir." Cas turned his head back to John and sat back in the chair, "I'm gonna need you to finish training Mr. Anderson." Cas bit the inside of his cheek and covered his mouth with his right hand while leaning against the arm rest of the chair, then took a deep breath. Cas swallowed down the lump in his throat as he felt the emotions rising in his chest, "that won't be a problem will it Castiel?" Cas let his arm fall gently down onto the arm rest once more and shook his head a few times and spoke with a flat tone, "no sir it won't. I'll gladly train."

"That's wonderful Castiel, I look forward to seeing you. What's today.....Thursday? You won't have to come in until next week. Enjoy your time off." Cas nodded his head once, slowly rising from the chair, "thank you for this John, I am truly appreciative." John also stood from behind his desk, walking around to shake Cas by the hand. Cas shook his hand and he felt Dean stand up behind him and place his hand on his shoulder, "congratulations Cas." Cas tensed his shoulders and let his hand fall to his side as he kept his eyes on John, "see you Monday sir." Cas stepped around the chair he had just been sitting in and walked towards the door, with Dean following behind him.

Without looking around to see if Michael was anywhere near him, Cas headed swiftly toward the exit. His heart was pounding in his ears as he walked and he could feel the tears as they began to build at the corners of his eyes. Once he was safely out of the building Cas went around the corner and with his hand against the side of the building he released the contents of his stomach. Dean was behind him in a matter of seconds, his hand rubbing gently against Cas' lower back, "you knew Michael and you didn't even bother to tell me." Cas stood up straight, slowly turning around to look at Dean, the hurt plastered on his face made Dean's heart ache slightly. He didn't want this to happen, he was hurting Cas just by doing what his father had asked him to do.

Before he had the chance to reply to Cas, Dean's back was against the wall and Cas' hands were gripped tight into his shirt, "Cas before you freak out, please let me explain.....my father occasionally asks me to hire people and I didn't realize it was the same Michael, otherwise I wouldn't have hired him." Cas felt the anger erupt in his chest the instant Dean said Michael's name, "YOU DID WHAT?! You....you're the reason....he works here?" Tears of anger fell from Cas' eyes and he released his hands from Dean, stepping back from him. He felt dizzy and he couldn't stop the shaking once it started shortly after.

Dean stepped toward Cas, his hand reached out for him, "no don't you fucking touch me Dean Winchester." The words escaped like acid through Cas' gritted teeth as he stepped away from Dean. Cas turned away from Dean and walked toward his car, keys already pulled from his pocket and in his hand within seconds. He knew it wasn't Dean's fault, hell it wasn't even John's fault, Michael was a sneaky slimy good for nothing rat and he made it his sole purpose to torture Cas whenever given the chance. Cas got into his car, starting it up after it wouldn't the first couple times; he needed to get away from here everything was closing in on him. Cas pulled out of the parking lot and drove in the opposite direction of his house he needed to get out of town for the weekend away from everything and everyone.

Cas' phone began ringing, he didn't really want to know who it was and he didn't care, as he drove past the welcome sign of the city and toward the highway. The phone rang a few times before everything was silent and Cas let the tears fall down his cheeks. He knew where he was going to go even if it wasn't the best idea he needed to talk to someone anyone that would listen.

It took Cas 3 hours to drive from his city to where he was going and as far as Cas remembered, everything looked exactly as he remembered it. He pulled up to the small brick house, staring out the window, the porch swing was in the exact same spot as it always had been and that old car was still broke down in the driveway and Cas sat there smiling softly to himself. Reaching down, he picked up his phone to turn it off, turned off his car and got out. He stood in front of the white fence placing his hand on top of it, the memories of his childhood slowly creeping back into his mind.

Suddenly the front door of the house opened and someone walked out onto the porch, a trash bag clenched into their hand. He walked down the front steps and down the path stopping abruptly as he caught sight of Cas standing there. "Castiel?" The man's voice cracked as he said his name and the bag fell from his hand. Cas stepped forward pulling the gate open and the man embraced him into a tight hug, the tears falling down Cas' cheeks the instant they hugged, "hello father."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: so many emotions went into writing this chapter y'all. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading love you guys xx


	11. The Comforts Of Home

Cas embraced his father for what seemed like eternity, before he pulled back and looked at him, the tears were streamed down his cheeks as he looked as Cas and it make his heart ache. Cas hadn't seen his father cry since the day his mother walked out on them 20 years ago, Cas was just barely an 8 year old boy so he didn't understand why she was suddenly gone and, for years, had believed it was something he had done. Charles was a good dad, when he was sober anyway, Cas had to give him credit for that.

"It's good to see you son." 

Cas cleared his throat, glancing down at his feet before bending down to pick up the trash that his father had dropped, "you as well. I can take this for you." Cas turned on his heel, stepping back out of the gate and took the trash to the can that was off to the side of the house, Chuck remained inside the yard but watched him as he walked back toward him. Once back in the yard, Cas took a deep breath and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket, "so uh....what are you doing here?" Cas gently bit his bottom lip, shrugging his shoulders, "can't I just come see my dad?" Cas looked off to the side and Chuck took a deep breath. Cas was hoping that he wouldn't ask any questions that would need a detailed answer because Cas was almost certain that he would cry and he wouldn't stop. Chuck stepped forward, placing his hand lightly on Cas' shoulder, "of course. Come on inside and I'll make you some tea." 

Cas followed his father into the house, stopping in the doorway to rub his hand along the frame before going in, closing the door behind him. Chuck had gone into the kitchen to brew the tea while Cas went and sat in the living room on the couch. There were pictures of him and his brothers littered all over the walls and atop the side tables. Cas leaned over to pick up a photo of him and his brother Gabriel that was set in a frame next to him, smiling softly as he ran his fingers over the top of the glass, Cas had to be about 10 when the photo was taken hehad just fallen and scraped his knee and Gabriel was hugging him to help him feel better. That was one memory that Cas could think of that wasn't a terrible one and before he realized he was crying, a tear fell down his cheek. 

Chuck walked into the room just as Cas reached his hand up to wipe away the tear and he cleared his throat, "uh I put some honey in it just as you have always liked it." Cas shifted on the couch, setting the photo back on the side table he pulled if from and he moved over so that his father could sit next to him. "Castiel I have been a terrible father...." Cas took a deep breath, closing his eyes, he wasn't exactly sure what Chuck expected him to say. "I've made terrible choices and I haven't been here for you boys....." Cas looked up at him, he was now putting his face into his hands and Cas placed his hand onto his back. "You did your best dad, I know it was tough but you didn't have much help." Chuck sat back and Cas pulled his hand back letting it fall into his lap, "I definitely tried my best. All I ever wanted was what was best for you boys even if that meant having your brother take care of you."

Cas smiled softly to himself, sitting back slightly, "thank you for that, honestly. How are you doing now though?" Chuck turned toward Cas, taking a deep breath, he reached his hand up rubbing the back of his neck, "honestly it's been a struggle for me but I'm actually doing great. I've been clean for a year and a half. Admittedly I struggled significantly after you left with Michael." Cas bit his lip, the sudden mention of Michael instantly made Cas nauseous. "Well uhm..." Cas choked up and clutched his hand to his chest, "I'm no longer with....that guy." Chuck looked at Cas curiously, noticing the tears streaming down his sons cheeks, "Castiel, what happpened?" This was the exact moment that Cas was dreading and he had hoped that they could skip all together but he knew it was probably better to get it out rather than to continue to hold it inside, where it was ripping him to shreds.

Cas hesitated before he spoke, attempting to get his emotions under control before going full on into everything that happened. "I.....uh...." Cas swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head looking down at his hands, "I proposed to him....." Cas lifted his head and wiped the tears from his cheeks, "....and he laughed in my face.....he told me that I was nothing to him and that he didn't understand how he stayed with me for the two years we were together." Chuck shifted slightly and Cas glanced over at him, his were already red and the pain was heavy in his chest. "Oh son I am so sorry." A small whimper escaped Cas' chest but he took a deep breath shaking his head, "it's my own fault...." Cas cleared his throat and pushed the feeling down, "anyway I'm glad that you've been clean. I apologize for not calling sooner. I guess I just got caught up in my own sorrow and denial that I forgot about everything else."

Chuck rose from the couch, reaching his hand out to Cas, "I want to show you something." Cas stared at his father's hand for a second then stood up taking it and Chuck pulled him toward the stairs up to his childhood bedroom. The walls were plastered with articles, at first glance it looked like a mess but upon further inspection Cas noticed they were of him, of his achievements. "I have kept all of these, from the time you started high school. You have always been my greatest pride. Here...." Chuck stepped away from Cas, walked across the room to retrieve and framed piece from the wall, then came back and handed it to Cas, "this one is my favorite." Cas shifted his eyes down, taking the frame into his hands, it was from when he graduated college with a degree in psychology. He had spent a good 4 years working his butt off, nothing came of it however and Cas suddenly felt the weight of it in his hands, "you kept this?"

Chuck put his hands into the pockets of his jeans, shrugging his shoulders, "well yeah...it was one of my proudest moments." Cas set the frame down on a table that was next to the door and stepped forward, hugging his father in his arms. Chuck returned the hug then pulled back keeping his hands on Cas' shoulders, "I love you son. I truly am sorry for what happened and I wish there was something I could say to make it all go away and I know there isn't but just know that I am incredibly proud of your accomplishments." Cas smiled softly, nodding his head at his dad, "thank you dad really that means a lot." Chuck dropped his arms to his sides, smiling up at Cas, "are you hungry? I was just about to go out and get something before you got here." Cas shrugs, glancing around the room and Chuck nods without saying anything else then walks out of the room, leaving Cas alone to reminisce .

After his father left, Cas wandered back down to the living room and picked up his phone, he could feel the anxiety creeping up on him as he switched it on. Cas knew that there was going to be messages, voicemails, all from the same person and he couldn't help but feel a sudden desperation to talk to him. Once the phone had registered network connectivity, just as he anticipated, messages flooded his phone, messages from him.

Today at 3:15pm From: Dean  
Cas please tell me you're alright.  
Today at 3:20pm  
Cas please I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you about this. Please talk to me.  
Today at 4:50pm  
Call me please

15 missed calls, over 30 texts and 5 voicemails later Cas set his phone down on the table in front of the couch and stared at it. Cas knew that he should let Dean know he was okay but he couldn't bring himself to make the call, he was still very much hurt over everything. He really liked Dean but honestly he felt like he deserved to be respected enough to not have to be forced to face a narcissistic man everyday just so that he could make a little more money. Cas stared at the phone, he wanted to pick it up, he wanted to hear that deep husky voice, he wanted to feel the strong embrace that made him feel so comforted. Suddenly the screen lights up, the vibration of an incoming call set Cas' nerves on high, the name displayed sent his heart racing and he hesitated before leaning forward and taking the phone into his hand and holding it up to his ear.

"Hello...." his response was soft, coming out almost as a whisper as he waited to hear a response.

"Cas, oh my hell Cas I was so worried. Are you alright? Where are you?" Cas heard the concern in Dean's voice and it made his heart ache.

"I.....I'm okay Dean. I....I'm at my dad's." Cas heard Dean take a breath and he waited for his response, hoping that Dean would ask to come to him and Cas would let him. He just wanted the pain to go away, he hated the way it made him feel and whenever he was with Dean all of the hurt went away.

"Cas.....I am so sorry that I hurt you. I never wanted that to hap-" 

"Dean...." Cas interrupted him, he didn't want to make Dean feel like this was his fault because, even tho he hired Michael, Cas knew that he was only doing as his father asked and Cas couldn't blame him for that.

"Yes, Cas?" Taking a deep breath before he spoke, Cas hesitated a few seconds before asking his question, "would you like to meet my father?" Cas could hear Dean's shallow breathing pick up slightly and it made him nervous. What if he asked too soon and Dean said no, telling Cas to never talk to him again? "What do you say, Dean?" Cas waited to hear Dean's answer, what was seconds to Dean, felt like an eternity to Cas, "I would like that Cas." He felt the relief wash over him instantly and he sighed softly into the phone, "I'm sorry I ran off Dean. I know it isn't your fault. You were just-" "Cas, I love you....." Silence. Cas couldn't register the words that he had just heard, he froze, the words failing to come out of his mouth. He knew how one should respond to those words, he knew the meaning of those words, but they didn't exactly register as something that should be said to him.

"I....uh....I know. " Stupid, so stupid. What was this Star Wars? No this was reality he was not Han Solo and Dean was not Leia. "I feel the same way Dean, I just.....I'm not ready to use those words yet." He hoped that Dean would understand, that he wouldn't get angry, that he wouldn't get frustrated and leave Cas. "I understand Cas, I just wanted to get that out. Well....I should let ya go. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I'm glad you're okay." Cas felt a sudden twinge of sadness at the thought of Dean hanging up but he ignored it, he didn't want to be a bother to Dean. "M' kay, call you tomorrow alright?" Dean chuckled softly, the sound sent a shiver down Cas' back, "alright Cas, you take it easy. Talk later." Cas smiled softly as he waited for Dean to hang up first, "later." The call disconnected and Cas slowly let the phone fall from his ear, gripping it tightly in his hand. He finally felt relieved, he had been so worried Dean wasn't going to talk to him after his outburst, that he didn't give it time. He knew he needed to focus on himself but for some reason Dean had him tangled up in a lustful web, one that he had no intention or desire to escape. Dean had all of Cas and there was nothing that could rip that away, not anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm going to talk about this chapter a little bit and give a little background on things. Feel free to skip it. It's not pertinent to the story really. It's just I need to get it out. Anyway I hope you all enjoyed this chapter xx
> 
> It was really difficult for me to write story out, this last chapter in particular, not only because I wasn't sure where it was gonna go, but also because I relate to it so personally. My own father was an alcoholic and my egg donor left us when me and my sister were young. I blamed myself for years, thinking I had done something wrong. I thought maybe it was because I wasn't a good child or whatever but it wasn't. She had her demons and rather than seek guidance for support she just left. It broke me so much that I spent the next 10 years trying to find someone to feel that void.
> 
> When I was 15 my dad got into a relationship with this woman, we'll call her Angie. Well Angie, she was amazing everything I thought I needed in a mom and I couldn't have been happier. Anyway, my dad and her split over an altercation and my dad had actually asked me to stop talking to her or he wasn't going to be my dad anymore. I was devastated and for a while she and I would talk in secret then we just stopped talking altogether. My father passed away in 2012 so I honestly felt like I had no one, anyway 10 years passed before she and I talked again, I made terrible choices about a guy I met online and needed to return home, only I had no home so she asked me if I wanted to come stay with her and her husband. I was absolutely thrilled because this woman was like a mother to me.
> 
> So I went off to live a life I thought was going to be the most amazing thing.
> 
> I was wrong.
> 
> I spent the next year and a half in what felt like hell to me. It was a consistent reminder that my father wasn't around. This woman was not what I remember, this woman had gone through tragedy in her life that changed her. I wasn't the same person either but her response to me made me feel inadequate and unimportant. I was just another mouth for her to feed, an inconvenience. I was introduced to her family and we all became very close then one day without warning I get told to leave that I wasn't apart of her family and that no one in her family would ever talk to me again. I was terrified because it's the middle of winter in the state of Wyoming in negative temperatures. Where was I gonna go?
> 
> Needless to say my sister, my lovely wonderful sister, who warned me in advance might I add, came to get me. They never got along, my sister didn't like dear old Angie, with good reason. Anyway that's a little insight on my inspiration for this. There are other things as well but I don't want to bore y'all. If you read this cool if not that's cool too. Anyway love y'all xx
> 
> Post-note: the next chapter is being written at the moment so sorry if you are waiting


	12. Stuck In The Moment

Shortly after Cas got off the phone with Dean, Cas fell asleep on the couch, the emotions of the day finally taking its toll on him. Chuck returned about an hour later, glancing at his son sleeping, Chuck grabbed a blanket from the closet and carefully laid it over the top of Cas, a small smile on his lips. Cas shifts slightly then sat up suddenly, slightly disoriented as he looked at his father, "what time is it?" Chuck shrugged his shoulders at Cas, "it's only 6:30, you fell asleep so I covered you up so you didn't freeze. It gets fairly cold in here, I need to get my furnace checked." Cas rubbed his eyes a couple times, then dropped his hand into his lap, "thanks dad I appreciate that." Chuck nodded at Cas and moved to sit in a chair next to the couch, "no problem there's food in the kitchen on the counter if you're still hungry."

Cas pushed the blanket to the side, placing his feet on the floor and standing up, staggering slightly, "oof, head rush." He fell back to sit on the couch and rubbed the back of his neck before standing up again, taking it slower this time. "Are you feeling alright, son?" Cas chuckled softly, Cas shrugged his shoulders as he walked toward the kitchen, "I'm okay. It's been a rough week in all honesty." Chuck followed silently behind Cas as he stopped in front of the sink leaning against it with his hands resting against the edge, "anything I can do to help?" Cas stepped back from the sink, turning to face his father, then shook his head a couple times, "I honestly wouldn't even know where to begin to ask for help." Chuck had moved to sit in a chair at the table, with his hands rested against his chin.

Cas took a deep breath, looking down at his feet, before he walked to the table, sitting down next to his father, his father was looking at him curiously. "Uhm.....dad there's someone I want you to meet....he's a friend of mine...." Cas trailed off as he looked up at his father gently biting his bottom lip between his teeth, "okay.....uh...well. Is he coming here right now?" Cas chuckled softly shaking his head, as much as he had wished it, Dean was in fact not coming over right now. Surely he had other more important things to worry about, yeah sure he agreed to meet Cas' dad but it was more a formal request than a requirement and Cas was fairly sure Dean only agreed out of respect more than sincerity. "No he isn't coming here tonight." Cas could hear the relief when his father let out a soft sigh, which caused him to look at Chuck curiously but rather than question it, Cas let the subject drop as he rose from the table to grab himself some food from the counter.

Not much more conversation occurred while Cas was eating, which apparently made Chuck uncomfortable because he got up from the table and went up to his bedroom, leaving Cas at the table with his thoughts. Upon finishing, Cas slowly made his way to the living room to retrieve his phone from the couch, then he retreated up to his old bedroom where he laid on his bed, not bothering to turn the light on. He pressed the power button and the screen lit up instantly, there were no notifications so he pressed the button again and the room was dark. The wind was blowing so Cas could hear the rustling of the trees and the branch scraping lightly against the window, so when a light tap came he didn't pay any mind to it. 

_Tap tap tap_

Cas sat up slowly as it continued, cocking his head to the side, he stood up slowly approaching the window. Stepping closer to the window, Cas peered over the edge to see what could possibly be making the sound. His heart jumped slightly, fear creeping in his chest as he saw the silhouette of a person in the yard and he stepped back from the window. He swallowed harshly, taking a deep breath as he tried to contain the fear, but his curiosity nagged at him and he looked out once more. This time he could see a bit clearer as his eyes adjusted to the darkness and he noticed the car sitting by the curb. His heart jumped again, this time for a completely different reason and Cas backed away from the window again, this time for a completely different reason.

Cas turned around quickly, smacking into something hard, falling back onto his bed and he gasped slightly as he looked up. Cas breathed softly, slowly rising up from his bed, and reached out, touching something warm. Again Cas gasped, then hands reached out to him, gripping his sides and he tensed up, panic slowly setting in, "Cas...." The soft, yet still rough sounding whisper caused Cas to whimper softly and he threw his arms out wrapping himself around Dean. As soon as his arms were around Dean, Cas felt his own body relax and felt those soft lips press gently to the top of his head. "How did you get in here, Dean?" Cas let the words escape softly as he didn't want to wake his father by being loud. Cas pulled back, he couldn't see Dean in the dark room so he reached beside his bed and turned on the small desk lamp then turned back to face Dean. Cas looked at Dean curiously for a few minutes, as Dean stood there in the middle of his childhood bedroom. "The door was open, there was a note from your father. Somehow I think he knew I'd be here."

Cas looked down at his hands briefly before he stepped closer to Dean, "I...I may have mentioned that I wanted him to meet you....but how did you find me here?" Cas thought about it for a moment, surely he hadn't given Dean the address, "it was Cat, she.....she told me where your dad lives. I'm guessing she must've called your father to give him a heads up or something." Cas took a deep breath, stepping back slightly, "is it okay with you that I'm here, Cas?" Cas laughed softly reaching his hand out to take Dean's hand into his, "I prefer it actually....I had hoped that you would show up, but I also thought it wouldn't be possible," Cas looked up as he laced his fingers with Dean's, "yet here you are, I'm beyond grateful."

"Cas I can't stop thinking about you. I know that I hurt you and I am so sorry." Cas shook his head at Dean reaching his hand up, placing it gently on his cheek, "you don't need to apologize Dean..." Dean had closed his eyes when Cas touched his cheek, so when he opened them, the look in his eye was serious and almost knocked Cas off his feet. "Let me make it up to you. I can make you squeal if you'd like." Cas gasps softly, reaching his hand up, hooking it behind Dean's neck, and pulling him forward until their lips barely touched. Cas' breathing gets heavier as he stares up into Dean's eyes, their faces inches apart, "I'd like that very much." Cas whispered against Dean's lips, every time he was around Dean it was like nothing else mattered, he was lured in to Dean's presence as if he were a magnet attracted to a metal pole and it was intoxicating.

Dean quickly gripped Cas by his lower back and pulled Cas forward and Cas felt his heart leap in his chest. "Dean, I don't want you to be a rebound for me." With his free hand, Dean brought his hand up and gently caressed Cas on the cheek. "Then I won't be." Dean gently flicked his tongue along Cas' lower lip which made Cas open his mouth slightly and Dean closed the gap between their lips with his own. Cas was so into the kiss that he fell back pulling Dean on top of him, Dean laughing as he fell and Cas laughed with him, "we're gonna take this nice and slow, how does that sound?" Cas stared at Dean, the words had just spoke sent a chill down his spine; as much as he wanted to have a passionate evening with Dean, Cas had to admit that he would rather Dean have his way with Cas without restriction.

He wanted to feel his fingernails scrape across Dean's back as he thrust into Cas, he wanted to feel the friction of his skin being stretched from Dean entering him, he wanted to feel Dean's teeth gently graze his throat with Dean breathing heavily on top of him. Cas let a soft moan escape his mouth as he imagined just exactly what he wanted. Dean chuckled, the sound came from deep within his throat and he leaned down pressing his lips firmly to Cas' throat, "I'm going to go ahead and take that as a yes then." Dean grazed his teeth along Cas' neck, just as he imagined, only it felt absolutely amazing and Cas curled his toes, gripping the blanket covering his bed, pulling against it until it was bunched up against his body.

Dean nudged his lips against Cas' neck, kissing gently on the soft skin causing Cas to bite down on his bottom lip, arching his back slightly allowing Dean to wrap his arm underneath his lower back pulling his own body down against Cas. Dean slowly kissed his way to Cas' left collarbone before pulling back and looking into his stunning blue eyes. Dean pulled his lip up into a half smile and gripped the bottom of Cas' shirt, pulling it up, revealing the skin underneath. In one swift movement, Dean removed the shirt, threw it to the floor and shed his own shirt.

Cas watched Dean intently, he had to remind himself to be patient because as much as he wanted to be relentlessly ravaged, he also wanted to feel passion for once. Just as he said he would, Dean was slow, careful even, with his movements as he reached down to slide his hand into Cas' pants. Cas gently bit his bottom lip between his teeth as Dean wrapped his fingers around Cas' member, the touch was gentle, almost caring, the feeling of his fingertips caressing gently. Cas let his head rest against the pillow closing his eyes as Dean worked him out, a soft moan escaping his lips laced with a passion that caused Dean to suck air in through his teeth; watching Cas simply enjoy the touch alone made Dean want him so much more.

Dean pulled his hand away from what he was doing and stood up, keeping eye contact with Cas as he unbuttoned his pants. Letting them fall to the floor, his briefs following them shortly after. Dean reached his hand down to stroke himself while looking into blue eyes and Cas sat up resting against his elbows as he watched Dean intently. Still looking down at Cas, Dean stepped forward reaching out for Cas, "come here love." Cas pushed himself up to a sitting position and Dean placed his free hand under Cas' chin lifting it so he was looking into his eyes, "I want to see your face, so beautiful." Cas swallowed harshly as he stared into the longing eyes looking back at him, the intensity of the stare sent a deep chill down Cas' back.

Dean moved his hand rhythmically, keeping eye contact, his lips parting slightly as his breathing began picking up. Cas reached his hand out to touch Dean on the thigh, the tips of his fingers caressing the soft skin and Dean glanced down at his hand, a small smile playing on his lips, "would you like to do it love?" Cas looked up at Dean, the gentle nature in which Dean was speaking to him made him confused but he nodded his head and Dean took Cas' hand into his placing his hand over the top of his member. Carefully he moved Cas' hand in a back and forth motion until Cas caught the rhythm then he dropped his hand allowing Cas complete control.

Cas dropped his head down so he could watch as he stroked Dean repeatedly, the only sound he heard was a light panting coming from Dean's mouth, his lips in the shape of a small "o" as Cas continued. Picking up speed slightly, Cas glanced up at Dean, smiling softly as he inched forward until he was on the floor and kneeling in front of him, his eyes shifted up to look into Dean's. Cas let his hand slide up and down Dean a couple more times before he let his hand fall to the side and leaned forward to gently lick along the tip of Dean's member. Cas decided to take it a bit further by reaching up to take the length back into his hand while continuing to lick, then he wrapped his lips around the tip sucking it gently. Dean rocked forward slightly as Cas worked with his mouth, forcing his length into Cas' mouth a little more.

The sudden movement sort of excited Cas, as he allowed it to go even more, and seeing as he had little to no gag reflex, it was effortless for Cas to take it almost completely down his throat. Cas moved his head forward and back, with a bit of help from Dean gently thrusting his hips, whilst his fingers were tangled in Cas' hair. "Fuck Cas, that's amazing." The words escaped Dean's lips as a breathless whisper as he tried to contain his moans. Surely it wasn't an ideal situation, getting caught like this, while in someone else's house. Not to mention it being Cas' dad's house but they were behind closed doors so it wouldn't matter either way.

Dean thrust forward a little too much, which caused Cas to gag slightly, and the muscles in Cas' throat to constrict around his length. This sent a feeling through Dean's body that started from the bottom of his cock and spread all over his body, the orgasm tore its way through his insides, forcing a moan to escape from deep within his chest. Taking a deep breath Dean felt his knees buckle beneath him, he was going to pull out of Cas' mouth, but Cas quickly pushed it to the back of his throat, and Dean couldn't hold it in as he exploded into Cas' mouth. "O-oh shit."

Dean pulled out of Cas' mouth and fell forward, his body weak from his release, "Cas...." he kneeled in front of Cas reaching up to place his hand on the now breathless man in front of him. Cas looked a wreck, the cum was covering his lips, as he stared at Dean. "That was wonderful, Dean." Cas licked his lips, closing his eyes as if he was savoring the flavor of Dean in his mind. "Yeah....it was." Cas took a deep breath then opened his eyes, his eyes were met with beautiful bright green eyes only inches from his own. Dean chuckled softly, then reached up to rub his thumb along Cas cheek, "I'm real sleepy Dean."

Dean laughed again, slowly rising from the floor, and he reached his hand out to help Cas from the floor. "Then we shall go to sleep." Cas stood in front of Dean, his heart was racing still and he could feel the warmth of Dean's hands against his bare chest. They both crawled onto the bed, cradled into each other's arms, sharing gentle kisses against lips, against the soft skin of necks. No more sex happened that night, just tender touches, soft kisses against sensitive skin, as they fell asleep in each other's arms. Everything was perfect, peaceful, and falling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm literally fucking screaming you guys. This chapter is filthy lmao anyway thanks for reading xx


	13. The Hand He Was Given (Flashback)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: hello readers I would like to start off by saying thank you so much for reading this far, I honestly was not sure how this was going to go as a story but so far it's been working out fairly well. Next thing I do need to give a big warning on this chapter so you aren't caught off guard. This chapter contains intense depictions of violence and has rape-like scenes so please be cautioned that if you are triggered by that, it would be best to not continue. This chapter is a brief look at what life was like for Cas before the beginning of the story, and it plays a crucial role in the next chapter that I am writing. I will write a note for the end. Again thanks for reading this; I'm really sorry for doing this to y'all.

Michael never let Cas cum, he always brought him to the very brink, somehow he knew when it would happen, then he would beat the living hell out of Cas. Cas could barely catch his breath before the hits would start again, then the pain would stop and he would do it all over again. Tonight was no different than any of the others as Cas lay sprawled out on their bed, his cock slick with pre-cum, throbbing pain rippled through him as Michael rubbed his length. Tears were streamed down his cheeks as he approached his orgasm, but just before he could get there, Michael took his hand away. Cas looked up at his boyfriend in desperation, "Michael please....I.....I need release.....it.....it hurts." Cas probably had so much build up that if he were allowed, the sheets would be soaked in his cum. But seeing as Michael never let him reach that point the pain became so unbearable and he was stuck with the pain in his balls.

"Shut up you disgusting whore." Michael kneeled on the bed, then pushed his knee right into Cas' balls, causing Cas to scream out. Michael grabbed Cas by the hair and pulled him up off of the bed, flipping him over onto his stomach. Cas could hear the sound of Michael removing his belt, and a small whimper escaped his mouth as he buried his face into the bed. He didn't dare try to block with his hands, since the last time he tried Michael broke his finger, so Cas just lay there as Michael brought the belt against the bare skin of his back. Cas screamed into the mattress, gripping the blankets into his hands, as Michael relentlessly beat him.

Finally the pain ceased, hands gripping Cas by the back of his arm, pulling him up, and he was thrown back onto the bed. "Please.....please I beg you, stop.....I....I've learned my lesson please baby." Michael stared down at Cas, his face full of disgust as he stepped forward to grip Cas' cock in his hand. Cas began sobbing as Michael started stroking him, "no.....please no more." Michael ignored his pleas, picking up the speed as he jacked Cas off, Cas whimpered loudly as he covered his face with his hands.

He felt himself getting close again, the fear in his chest as he sobbed harder. As he got closer the sobs became moans and Cas dropped his hands down to grip the blanket again. He shook his head at Michael, tears were streamed down Cas' cheeks as he looked at Michael, "s-stop....I....I can't do it anymore." Before Michael got the chance to stop his release, Cas screamed out as the cum shot out, the liquid spewing out like a rocket and Cas moaned so loud he had to bite his own lip. "Oh........f-fuck."

This "accident" resulted in a black eye, bruised ribs, and a bloody nose for Cas. Michael had no mercy on Cas as he beat him until he passed out from overexertion. Michael lifted Cas in his arms and carried him into the bathroom tossing his unconscious body to the floor. Michael left him on the bathroom floor then went back into their bedroom to go to bed. Cas remained there until the morning where he awoke confused and in pain. His body ached everywhere and he was mentally drained, at least Michael had his small fix so Cas was safe for at least a few days.

Cas didn't dare move from the bathroom floor, in fear that Michael would start again, so he just sat there. It was cold in the bathroom, Cas was left there naked to sleep without a blanket so he was shivering. Suddenly Michael came into the bathroom and Cas pulled his knees to his chest then covered his head with his arms, he was expecting the pain but it didn't come. Instead he felt a gentle touch against the skin of his forearm, causing him to slowly lower his arms. Looking into Michael's eyes, Cas couldn't detect any anger or any danger for that matter. "Hey sweetheart, let's get you some clothes on, okay?" Cas looked down at his feet before he nodded his head, Michael stood up and gently pulled Cas up by his arm, "alright c'mon...."

Carefully, Michael walked with Cas into their bedroom then had him sit on the bed while he grabbed Cas some clothes to wear. Cas watched Michael's every move, he had to because at any moment a switch could flip and severe amounts of pain could be inflicted upon Cas at the hands of Michael. "Here you go honey." Michael aided Cas in putting on the shirt, briefs, and pajama bottoms, it was a little difficult as Cas had fresh wounds on his back from Michael using the belt on him, but they managed to successfully dress him.

Michael cupped Cas' face with his hands looking into his eyes, "god your eyes are so gorgeous, I'm so glad you're all mine." Michael crashed his lips against Cas' mouth and kissed him, which Cas tried to return the kiss the best he could. It was moments like this that Cas wasn't sure what was going on and it at his nerves on edge but he really tried to ignore the nagging in the back of his mind that told him to run. Cas loved Michael more than anything and even though Michael was horrible to him, Cas believed that Michael loved him back.

Cas watched as Michael started putting his own clothes on, no words were spoken, just silent as he put on his pants. Once he was dressed Michael turned around to look at Cas who, when Michael looked at him, tensed up and closed his eyes, dropping his head down. Michael walked up to Cas, kneeling down in front on him and gently touched his face, "hey baby are you alright?" Cas opened his eyes, lifting his head to look into Michael's eyes, confusion was on his face as he stared at him, "I...." He couldn't finish the sentence as he dropped his head back down, the tears fell from his eyes instantly and he clenched his fist in his lap. "Oh baby come here." Michael stood up pulled Cas with him to the bed, which Cas hesitated when they got next to the bed but reluctantly he climbed on sitting next Michael.

Michael slowly let his hand run down Cas' body, slipping it into his pants, and Cas whimpered softly as he looked up at Michael, "please....no," Michael leaned forward to press his lips to Cas' lips, kissing him gently for a few seconds, as he worked Cas' out with his hand. Cas moaned softly as they kissed, Michael rubbing his finger across the tip of Cas' cock, and he gasped softly jumping slightly. Michael let go of Cas and pulled his hand away so that he could cup his cheek into his hand, "I love you Castiel." The tears fell down Cas' cheeks, he knew they were just words, how they wished for them to be true, he didn't know how to respond so he just stared into Michael's eyes, "don't you love me?" Michael caressed Cas' on his cheek and Cas took a deep breath, sniffling softly as he nodded his head.

"I want to hear you say it, now."

A small whimper escaped Cas as Michael held him close in a tight embrace with his hand against his cheek, "I....I love you, M-MIichael." Lips were pressed against Cas' lips once he said it and Michael released his hold on Cas, "now go down and make me some lunch." Cas sat for a few seconds, unsure if this was a test or not, Michael had a weird routine where he wanted Cas to make food but then he would beat Cas if he didn't make exactly what he wanted, which could change in a moments notice. Michael gripped Cas by his hair pulling it roughly and Cas gasped, "go now." Michael pulled Cas off of the bed by his hair, throwing him to the floor, and Cas scrambled to his feet and hurried out of the room, down the stairs, and into the kitchen.

It wasn't like this for the first year they were together, everything was peaceful, life was simple, Michael cherished Cas, genuinely loved him - or so Cas believed. Truthfully it was all a lie, everything from the gentle touches to the sweet words. Cas began getting stuff ready to make a sandwich when Michael came down to sit at the table, pulling a chair up as he watched Cas. Shaking hands worked quickly as Cas tried making the perfect sandwich, when suddenly his wrists were gripped tightly. Cas gasped, closing his eyes, and biting his lip as Michael squeezed them roughly, "make something else." Tears slid down Cas' face as he dropped what he was doing and quickly walked to the refrigerator pulling anything could get his hands on, out of it.

Fear gripped Cas as he made food, each time Michael changing his mind. Cas began to believe that Michael was never really hungry he just wanted to see Cas scramble in fear. After he made what seemed to be a satisfying meal for Michael, Cas quietly walked toward the stairs, he wanted to hide and not be seen, just for a little peace. He waited by the bottom of the stairs for a few minutes, waiting to see if it was safe, before he sprinted up, hurrying as fast as he could into one of the spare bedrooms. Running into one of the closets, Cas quietly pulled the door closed and slid his back down the wall, allowing all of his emotions to come out. He sobbed quietly with his arm covering his mouth so he didn't make any sounds.

For hours Cas sat there, everything had dulled, his feelings of fear had faded slightly and he finally allowed his mind to be empty as he dozed off to sleep. He dreamed of escape, soft hands loving him, and peace. He was woke up a few hours later by Michael ripping the door of the closet open and pulling him up by his hair, "wake the fuck up, I'm hungry again." Cas was slightly disoriented as he looked at Michael, and his face twisted in confusion, "don't give me that look or I'll wipe it right off your face." Michael released Cas and shoved him back so his back hit the wall, and Michael sauntered out of the room into their bedroom.

Michael left Cas alone for the rest of the night and most of the next day so Cas enjoyed his solitude before he had to go back to work in a couple days. His job seemed to be the only true escape, Michael couldn't hurt him there and Cas took solace in that. He made certain that all things he did at work occupied his time completely so that he wouldn't have to focus on the constant dread he felt. That night he went home and went straight to bed, Michael had left earlier that day saying that he needed to visit his family, so Cas went to sleep that night feeling free, feeling peace, tomorrow was a new day, tomorrow would be better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: y'all this chapter was so hard for me to write, like literally it hurt with every word I typed. Anyway I really feel strongly toward this work that I am writing here. It's so important to realize that there are people out there dealing with things like this daily. It isn't something people notice right off, it's something dark and horrifying but it needs to be discussed it needs to be brought into light. Speaking from personal experiences, this is something you can't not talk about. Anyway thanks y'all for reading and again I am sorry for this xx

**Author's Note:**

> **this is an AU work of fiction and in no way represents actual persons or any relationships of characters or timelines on the TV show Supernatural**


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